4 Red Flags You're Not Actually In Love With Your Partner
Falling out of love can happen in any number of ways, and the red flags you're not in love with your partner are different, depending on the scenario. Sometimes, it feels like you are sliding down a rocky incline. You try to scrabble your way back up, clinging on to the memories that made your relationship something worth fighting for, only to find that these positive attributes have disappeared into the past. Other times, your relationship feels like a skin you have grown out of or a shell that doesn't suit you anymore. Like a hermit crab, you need to move into a new shelter, one that accommodates your changing form and immense growth.
Just because you are not in love with your partner doesn't mean that you don't care for them. And falling out of love isn't necessarily antagonized by anything the person has done to you. There might have been no betrayal, no argument, no issue that you can put your finger on except for the fact that the feelings you used to have for a person have fallen away, and new ones have not grown back into their place.
If you're falling out of love with one person, that means that you'll find it again with another. Here are the signs that this is the process currently happening to you.
1. You're Speaking Without Communicating
It's possible, within a relationship, to do a lot of talking without saying what really needs to be said. You and your partner might be talking all of the time without expressing anything of substance when it comes to your needs and desires within a relationship. You might have given up on communicating your emotions to each other because you knew that you wouldn't be heard.
According to Three Day Rule’s date coach and matchmaker, Nora Dekeyser, if you're not communicating, it means that you have decided your relationship isn't worth the effort. "The most important part of a relationship is communication. If you do not have this, you are not respecting each other and clearly don't feel for the other as you do for yourself," she told Elite Daily.
2. You Easily Irritate One Another
You never noticed how annoying your partner was, but now, you can't stop flinching every time they take a bite of dinner. Who knew that someone could consume pasta so noisily? Or maybe that little snort they do when they find something really funny used to be adorable, but now, you find it embarrassing. You didn't know when your partner became really obnoxious to you, and you're hoping that something will change the way you see them. Unfortunately, the only thing that will make room for that change is a necessary loss of the relationship.
If your partner makes you want to scream just by being themselves, then you need to cut your ties so that both of you can find people who appreciate both of you, just by virtue of being yourselves.
3. You Can't Picture A Future With Them
You used to get excited about having a future with your partner, and would find yourself swept away by fantasies of the two of you being together. Even if marriage wasn't in your long-term plan, the prospect of doing things like taking vacations as a couple or moving in together would get you excited about all the beautiful things that were heading your way.
Now, it's hard to get excited about a long weekend together, let alone the rest of your lives. You might even be thinking about a way out already. According to relationship expert and bestselling author Susan Winter, frequently imagining leaving your partner is an indication that there is a “palpable emptiness in the relationship.”
4. You Feel Alone In The Relationship
The biggest indicator that a relationship is really over is when you feel like you are alone, even though you have a partner. I don't mean alone in the sense that you savor your solitude or that you are willing to go out and do things alone. Feeling like yourself — and being able to spend time with yourself — are actually indicators of a secure relationship.
So what does feeling alone in a relationship actually look like? It looks like going to your grandparents' funeral by yourself because you don't feel like your partner is good at supporting you through the tough stuff. It looks like consistently making weekend plans without your partner, because you can't count on them to be available. It looks like going to your friends first and your partner second, because you feel like you can't be around them if you aren't at your best.
“Love eventually turns into a true partnership between best friends that are also attracted to each other," Dekeyser explained to Elite Daily. If you and your partner aren't treating each other as well as your best friend treats you — and having sex to boot — then that isn't a relationship. That isn't even a friendship. And quite frankly, you can probably be a better partner to yourself than they are being to you. So what are you waiting for?
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