30 Brilliantly Sneaky Products On Amazon For Going About Your Shady Business

Let's see a show of hands for those among us who’ve never acted shifty. This list is about brilliantly sneaky products on Amazon, and those of us who aren't shady won't be interested. You guys can just move on to the next story.

You’re all still with me. Great.

Maybe you’re ghosting because you want your privacy. Or maybe you’re a) an heir or an heiress, or b) a major international crime figure, or c) both. Regardless, there’s no judgement here. As adults, we all have our own #drama, and in the age of social media, there’s little mystery left in this life. Thankfully, there are lots of products on Amazon to keep your business safe from other folks’ prying eyes. Whether you’re running from the Mob, the paparazzi, or your accountant, there’s a product for you.

So you need to secrete all your spare cash from your sticky-fingered sister or roommate? There are a panoply of safes to choose from. Need a few adult beverages to get through your upcoming family reunion, but want to drink on the DL? Pack your travel umbrella — because it's actually a flask. And there's lots more where that came from.

So come on over into the shade. It's cool in here, and we have stuff.

Entertainment — 30 Brilliantly Sneaky Products On Amazon For Going About Your Shady Business

1. A Clever Pouch That Gives You A Secret Place To Stash Your Valuables

Braza Secret Stash Pocket, $9, Amazon

Now you don't have to shove your drinks money in your bra — because you can shove it in this hidden bra pocket. The Braza is a lingerie-styled pocket that attaches with a Velcro-sealed loop to the plunge or the wing of your bra or the hip of your panties — wherever you feel most comfortable keeping your most prized possessions safe and sound. The 3-inch band is stretchable for easy placement, and should you find yourself in a sweaty situation while you're sneaking, the Braza is hand-washable, too.


2. This Item Is A Simple Hairbrush...Or Is It?

Stash-it Hair Brush Safe, $15, Amazon

When people see this brush in your bag, they'll just think you're scrupulous about grooming. Little do they know, you're keeping your money, jewelry, and other valuables inside the barrel! And gee, I can't begin to think of why this would be, but it comes with a smell-proof bag that you could put, um, fragrant items into before stashing them inside. Like perfume. Yeah. It's big enough for 30 rolled bills or lots of other stuff, and the cap screws on for extra safety.


3. This Accessory Is So Good You'll Even Forget You're Wearing It

Stashbandz Security Belt, $23, Amazon

With four wide pockets and a concealed zipper pocket, you'll appreciate this body band for its capacity, but you'll love it because it's so comfortable that you'll forget you're wearing it. Be prepared with your passport, ID, money, phone — heck, even a flask for the road — and you'll be ready to go at a moment's notice if your shady business heats up. It's crafted from tubular spandex, so it's soft but ultra-durable and wicks away moisture.


4. This Flask Is Foldable And Nearly Undetectable When Filled

Flask2Go, $10 (2 Pack), Amazon

Take your liquid courage wherever you go with these foldable flasks. Made from reusable, pliable plastic that's also BPA-free, these decanters hold 8 ounces or five shots of your favorite beverage — wherever you are. It's perfect for tailgating on game day or extracurricular concert or festival imbibing, and the flasks have no metal parts and are topped with a leak-proof cap.


5. This Hide-A-Key Set Has A Choice For Everyone

Stalwart Hide-A-Key Set, $9 (3 Pieces), Amazon

Who doesn't like options, especially when it comes to being slightly shady? This key hider set enables you to change it up on the regular by switching your spare key between the non-functioning sprinkler head, the faux thermometer, and the time-honored standby — the rock. Alternately, try putting out all three and draw attention to the rock — after all, that's the one most people will expect — then fake them out by actually hiding your key in one of the others.


6. This Safe Is Just The Right Size For All Your Closely-Held Secrets

Master Lock Personal Safe, $19, Amazon

You've been looking for a safe but innocuous place to store the checkbooks for your secret offshore accounts, right? Look no further than this right-sized safe — it's so petite you could carry it with you everywhere if you so desired. With water-resistant construction and shock-absorbing foam lining the interior, the safe even includes an earbud access port so you can listen to music while your device is locked away inside the safe. The pros at Master Lock thought of everything: Now all you have to do is count your bearer bonds.


7. The Invisible Ink Pens You Can Write Your Shady AF Notes With

Sherlock Hones Invisible Ink Pens, $10 (Set of 3), Amazon

Do you need a fool-proof way to communicate sensitive, private information to your lover or someone even more personal, like your accountant? Go old school and use these invisible ink pens. They write on most dry surfaces, including paper, fabric, wood, and glass, and disappear completely when dry. Your messages are revealed when illuminated with the UV light. Buy one set for you, and one for your partner in crime.


8. This Lock Gives You Up To 100,000 Ways To Secure Your Stuff

World & Main Wordlock, $17 (Set of 2), Amazon

With 100,000 different combinations possible from its five wheels, this lock uses letters rather than numbers to keep your valuables safe. Crafted with a cast metal body, a heavy-duty locking mechanism, and a hardened steel shackle, this device is built to withstand some serious abuse for all your adventures and keep your possessions while doing so. It's TSA-approved, and you can reset the combination as you desire, so change it up whenever you like.


9. This Electronic Lock Will Keep Your Bordeaux Or Your Business Safe

BestgoBest Electronic Lock, $19, Amazon

Harness the power of RFID to keep whatever you have to hide under wraps with this lock set. An easy DIY project, it installs inside your cabinet or drawer without drilling and features a no-touch open mechanism. You can keep this lock completely hidden if you so choose, or adhere the dot signage to the front of your drawer or cabinet as a guide for your card or tag. Battery-powered, you can open your stash 15,000 times before needing a change. The set comes with the lock and the latch, an RFID card, two RFID tags, a package including all the screws you'll need for installation, and the guide signage.


10. This Foldable Flask Holds An Entire Wine Bottle And Will Get You Past The Metal Detector With Ease

Wine2Go, $11, Amazon

Would you believe this foldable flask holds an entire standard-size bottle of wine? Because nothing pairs better with shady business than a nice rosé. Take yours for the road in this BPA-free plastic flask that's reusable and easy to fill thanks to its wide mouth. Perfect for tailgating, outdoor events, concerts, or anywhere you're not supposed to have glass — or wine, for that matter — this device will get you past those pesky metal detectors with ease. It's topped with a leak-proof, screw-on top so your wine stays inside where it's meant to be.


11. This Faux Outlet Hides Your Money Safely And Easily

Evelots Outlet Safe, $6, Amazon

You never know when you're going to have to take the money and run. Stash some away in this wall outlet safe. This sneaky safe installs in minutes and requires no additional tools — and it even comes with its own sheetrock cutter. It unlocks with the included keys so you can access your stash in seconds, and should your key go missing, you can force it open with a screwdriver. Pro tip: you can plug in any appliance to further disguise it from inquiring eyes. It won't charge it, but it'll look even more real.


12. A Book That Contains More Than Just Knowledge

Streetwise Book Safe, $16, Amazon

Not having priced these before, I feel like this book safe is an incredibly good value for the money. I mean, if you're sneaking around and need someplace safe to keep your jewels, cash, and precious artifacts, you also want a good buy, right? Crafted from an authentic hardbound book with actual printed paper pages that have been hollowed out and fitted with a secret stash compartment, this one is guaranteed to trick the eye of interlopers or busybodies. One reviewer (not sneaky, I'm sure) says his dad actually picked up his book safe and started reading it before he realized the difference, so it's sure to do the job for you.


13. This Wallet Is Perfect For When You're Literally On The Run

Chums Shoe Wallet, $8, Amazon

Whether you are literally running — or figuratively on the run — and need somewhere to stash your money, this shoe wallet will do the trick. Constructed with durable, water-resistant ripstop nylon, it holds not only your cash but also your keys, ID, and cards by securely attaching to your shoelaces. Don't worry about their safety while you're hoofing it: This model features a flat lock closure for greater containment strength.


14. This Airtight Container Controls Your Shady Roommate From Eating Your Snacks

Kitchen Safe, $55, Amazon

Have a roommate that constantly eats your favorite cereal? Well, here's one shady gadget that will help, and it was also featured on Shark Tank: This safe time locks to prevent snack sneaking from your freelancing housemates while you're at the office. Constructed from sturdy, high quality, BPA-free materials, the walls of this container are tamper-proof and three times thicker than typical containers. Simply set the timer, activate it, and walk away knowing your cookies will always be waiting for you.


15. This Screen Will Prevent Your Seatmate From Reading Your Uber-Secret Texts

TECHO Phone Privacy Screen Protector, $10, Amazon

If you have to travel economy class en route to your secret offshore lair, don't take a chance that someone will snoop your turgid texts from the next seat over. Instead, get this screen protector that makes the back-and-forth with your lover or your Swiss banker visible only to the person directly in front of the screen — that's you, right? This accessory also protects your phone from the sweat and oil residue contained in your fingerprints, and keeps your phone screen pristine all day long.


16. This Flask Is Cleverly Disguised As A Travel Umbrella

Smuggle Mug BoozeBrella, $17, Amazon

The very soul of discretion, this fun flask looks and feels like a real umbrella —but in fact holds 9 ounces of your favorite drink and comes with three leak-proof lid seals and a speed pourer. Crafted from FDA-approved, food-grade and BPA-free materials, this is perfect for any outdoor event where you want to kick the fun up a notch. Comes in a variety of patterns, including camo for a doubly sneaky approach to shady imbibing.


17. This Scarf Stores All Your Valuables Right Around Your Neck

Waypoint Goods Travel Scarf, $30, Amazon

Your person of mystery #OOTD isn't complete without a scarf, and this one will keep all your stuff nice and safe right around your neck, too. The fact that you've got cash or credit cards on you will go unobserved as you simply stroll by in this fashionably-styled infinity scarf. Stash your passport and expensive jewelry inside, too, and free up your hands by zipping in your phone when need be.


18. This Tactical Pen Will Help You Out Of Any Shady Situation

2cl Tactical Pen, $13, Amazon

They'll never see you coming when you enlist this tactical pen for your protection. This multi-functional device has you covered in the case of just about any emergency: It features a tungsten carbide tip glass breaker, a tactical LED flashlight, a hex wrench, a scraper, a bottle opener, and a screwdriver, in addition to a good old-fashioned ballpoint pen. TSA-compliant, this pen comes with three button cell batteries and two replacement ink cartridges — you know, if you ever actually use it as a pen.


19. This Wallet Keeps Your Money Close To Your Heart

Travelon Bra Pouch, $15, Amazon

Your underarm is definitely one place baddies aren't going to look for money, and this wallet is made to go right there, nestled close to your heart (okay, if it's on the correct side, sticklers). Load in your cash and valuables, then clip the strap of the wallet to your bra strap for safety. Dress with your shirt or blouse on top and it's completely out of sight. A safe and convenient way to carry your must-haves, this pouch is hand washable to keep it extra-clean.


20. This Bra Has A Few Tricks Up Its Sleeves (Metaphorically)

Handee Bra Company Racer Back Pocket Bra (XS-3XL), $40, Amazon

This is like the clown car of sports bras: It carries so much more than you'd think it would. Crafted from renewable, eco-friendly bamboo fiber, it features pockets in each cup for your passport and cash — plus more under your arms for credit cards, and another in your cleavage for lipstick or rolled up cash or documents. A favorite of international travelers, it's soft and light, keeps its shape, and is extraordinarily breathable even in the heat of Central America (according to one reviewer), but holds everything you need it to.


21. This Book Will Make You Into A Human Lie Detector

Spy The Lie, $11, Amazon

While you're living your own best shady life, you might want to be able to detect when others are being less than forthright with you. This book, written by a trio of former CIA officers, will teach you practical tactics for spotting a lie. They use a behavioral model that they've honed in countless years in domestic and international interrogations but that's both simple to learn and easy to employ in real life. Additionally, it reads like a spy novel, with dozens of real-life examples that will help you understand how to differentiate between truth and a lie.


22. This Hair Clip That's Much More Than An Accessory

Monkey Business Mini Multitool Clip, $10, Amazon

Nothing is sneakier than carrying a bag of tricks right in your ponytail — and no one will know you are when you choose this mini multi-tool clip. Crafted from springy high-strength stainless steel, this multi-purpose hair clip can be used as a screwdriver, a bottle opener, a nail file, a ruler, and much more — and will never get dull or break. It stays out of sight as an innocent barrette when used to hold your hair back, and when you're ready to spring into action, just take down your locks and go.


23. This Portable Safe Keeps Your Valuables Locked Up Wherever You Go

SAFEGO Portable Lock Box/Safe, $40, Amazon

Whether you're headed to Monte Carlo to gamble in the casino or headed to the corner deli for a coffee on your bike, this safe will keep 88 cubic inches of your valuables safe while you're doing it. A widespread favorite for its versatility, this lightweight unit is made from super strong ABS plastic that's weather-resistant, and is sealed with a nickel-plated zinc alloy lock. It also has an integrated 17-inch steel cable that attaches it to any fixed object, as well as an adjustable earbud opening that enables you to listen to your devices while they're locked inside. It locks using either a resettable three-digit custom combination code or a unique key, too.


24. This Box Is A Great Way To Catch Guests In The Act Of Snooping

UGears Puzzle Box, $45, Amazon

If you're getting ready to have houseguests or just throwing a party and want to know if people snoop, buy this puzzle box and hide a note in the middle saying "I caught you." Then reset it and leave it somewhere in plain sight, like in your bathroom — which for whatever reason seems to be prime sneaking around territory for visitors. Should your guests solve this elegant box, they'll know they've stumbled onto your trap and they might just leave your things alone next time. It also makes a wonderful gift box for small jewelry intended for someone you'd really like to annoy and then delight.


25. This Safe Looks Uncannily Like Random Time-Worn Hardware — Because It Is

Bolt Safe, $11, Amazon

Made from an actual machined-out bolt, this safe cleverly conceals your bills once they're folded over and rolled up. It's 3 inches long and weighs over a pound, so you'd never know it was hollowed out — and neither will prying interlopers. One reviewer writes: "It is fun and fascinating to share and play with!"


26. This Privacy Screen Will Keep Prying Eyes Off Your Computer Screen

Air Mat Laptop Privacy Screen, $30, Amazon

When you're on an airplane trying to work, it's enormously annoying when your seat mate openly stares at your screen, whether you're doing something shady or not. This privacy filter shuts out the busybodies using proven, patented micro-louver technology — but at a fraction of the price of some of its competitors. You'll have crystal clear vision, but your nosy neighbors will just see a dark screen. It also reduces more than 96 percent of UV and LF radiation to reduce eye strain and stress, too.


27. This Backpack Features Cleverly Hidden Pockets To Deter Theft

Oscaurt Anti-Theft Backpack, $32, Amazon

You definitely don't want anyone getting ahold of your laptop and all your papers — because the stuff in your backpack is personal and critically important. Play it close to the vest with this tricked-out backpack that features a hidden pocket on the side closest to your back, plus a main pocket zipper design that's almost fully hidden to seriously deter theft. It also has an integrated USB charging port (yes!), a reflective stripe for safety when walking at night, and multiple compartments to keep everything organized.


28. An iPhone 6 Case That Hides Your Cards Inside

NAISU iPhone 6 Case, $13, Amazon

You always carry your phone with you, but no one will know you're also carrying your ID and your plastic when you dress up your iPhone 6 in this accessory. Engineered with a two-in-one hybrid design that marries a soft TPU inner layer with a tough polycarbon outer layer, the hidden card slot conveniently stores your card so you're just carrying one thing. The top that closes over the card slot also serves as a kickstand to allow for hands-free video viewing while your phone is in landscape mode.


29. This Fun Bangle Actually Hides Your Booze

Sumit Bangle Bracelet Flask, $18, Amazon

So, Rihanna styled one of her Coachella looks with something similar to these flask bracelets this year. Need I say more? Everyone, even RiRi, needs a little extra libation when circumstances forbid it time and again. This bracelet enables you to enjoy 3 ounces of your favorite illicit beverage while also staying fashion forward. The inner flask is crafted from food grade 304 stainless steel with a copper lid, so it's easy to sanitize between uses. Also great for nervy brides. Just saying.


30. This Genius Accessory Get Your Valuables Close To Your Mattress — They'll Be In Your Pillow

The Pillow Safe, $36, Amazon

With a soft touch brushed polyester cover and plenty of loft, this is a real pillow — but yes, it's also a cunning safe. The inner patent leather compartment can hold anything from a flashlight and the items you need in an emergency, to jewelry, passports, and other valuables. Secured by powerful magnets that snap the closure shut automatically, the compartment is easily and quickly accessible, too.

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