A friends-with-benefits situation can feel a lot easier to start than it can to end — especially if you were friends before the benefits entered the equation. But if you're ready to end that part of your dynamic, then sending a text when you’re over hooking up can be a good way to let your FWB know it's time to head back into the friends-only zone.
In this situation, it might be tempting to avoid the issue altogether by going radio silent. That's an option, but not if you want to continue the friendship. If that's the case, then as life coach Nina Rubin previously told Elite Daily, there's no need to ghost. "You’ve been intimate and they likely deserve more tact," Rubin said. "Be honest. Be kind. Tell them that you enjoy their company but are looking for something else (or time alone)."
As Rubin also explained, the key with this kind of conversation, whether it's face-to-face or via text message, is to be straightforward about what you do and don't want. If you want to go back to being friends, say so. If you're just done altogether, it's OK to say that too. "Respect yourself and allow yourself to move forward," said Rubin.
If you're not sure how to start that text conversation, here's some inspiration to help get you typing.
1. Hey, I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind. Remember before we hooked up and we said we could go back to just being friends if one of us wanted to? I think I’m ready for that now.
2. So, this has been really great but I think I’m ready to go back to just being friends. How would you feel about that?
3. The last [period of time you have been FWBs] has been really fun! But I’m looking for something more, so I’d like to just be friends again.
4. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I’m just more comfortable being friends without the benefits. I hope you understand.
5. Hi! Sorry, I can’t meet up tonight. I've actually been meaning to talk to you about our FWB situation for a second because TBH, I think I'm ready to take a step back.
6. Hey, I’ve really enjoyed hooking up. I think you're amazing, but I think we're better off as just friends.
7. Your friendship's really important to me. I think hooking up, though really fun, is making that complicated. I’d like to just focus on being friends again.
8. Hey, hooking up has been really great but I'm realizing that maybe FWBs is not my speed. Just friends?
9. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I think I've realized that while I’ve had an amazing time hooking up with you, something casual just isn't really working for me. What do you say we just go back to being friends?
10. Last night was really amazing and I’m super grateful that we’ve got to experience this side of one another, but I think we're better off as just friends.
11. Hooking up has made me feel even closer to you, but I think we need to pump the breaks on that before either of us starts catching feelings. I’d like to just be friends.
12. First, I just want to say that I care about you a lot and your friendship means a lot to me... which is why I think we’re better off just as friends. I hope you can understand!
13. Sorry, busy tonight! But while we're on the subject, these late-night hookups actually aren't working for me. It was really fun but I’d like to just be friends again.
14. Hey, so you know how we agreed this was just gonna stay casual and we could go back to being friends at any time? I think I’m ready for that. Is that cool with you?
15. What do you say we just be friends again?
While it can definitely feel a little bit awkward to end a friends-with-benefits situation, you owe it yourself and them to be honest when that dynamic just isn’t working for you anymore. There's no need to hold back on what you feel. Just be honest, and remember that how they react is on them. You're showing up for yourself, and that's the most important thing.
Nina Rubin, life coach