Relationships
15 People Shared The Most Stressful Part Of Their Wedding, & OMG, SOS
by Christy Piña
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Anyone who's ever planned a wedding will tell you that while it is a fun and exciting process, it can also be really stressful and expensive. Whether it's your budget, a desire to please everyone, or having to make compromises with your future mother-in-law who's paying for half the reception, it's no wonder brides can get stressed quick. I may not have any immediate wedding plans, but even I can't resist the drama. I turned to Reddit users to see what the most stressful part of their wedding was, and honestly, they make a heck of a lot of sense. Anyone would stress in these situations.
Because tying the knot takes a lot of planning, squeezing it into your probably already-busy life can seem like a lot to handle. "It's tough to plan a wedding in addition to doing all of the normal life stuff, like going to work and paying your bills," psychologist Kathryn Moore, Ph.D., told Martha Stewart Weddings. So, it's totally understandable to find yourself stressed when trying to plan a wedding and going about your day-to-day life at the same time. When you start to feel overwhelmed about your special day, take a step back and breathe. Remind yourself that perfection is a social construct, and take a look at these Redditors' stresses, as a friendly reminder that they got through the hard parts, and so will you.
The Cash Money
Definitely paying for it. I was firmly in the "Why would we spend $20,000 on a party?! Are you kidding me?! Eloping is definitely the answer" camp, and now we're budgeting for $150 a head (for food, open bar, cake and tips).
I was much more stressed in the beginning, and then I realized how excited our guests and family are, and that while that money is a lot, it's not that much and we're not going to be in debt and why make money if you're not going to spend it? Once I let go and accepted the budget, I was much more able to just be excited about planning.
All The Little Details
Decision fatigue! Even if you don't care about napkins, you still have to choose something! Multiply by a million other decisions big and small.
All of the tiny little decisions that didn't really matter in the grand scheme but everyone wanted my opinion on because I was the bride. Also, getting everything decorated in time, as we couldn't get into the venue until noon the day of and most of it was DIY. If you can afford not to go the DIY route, I highly recommend it. I would have killed to hire a florist and day-of coordinator. It would have lifted so much off of my shoulders and allowed me to enjoy the day more.
Trying To Please Everyone
I've planned a few events in my life and so I wasn't worried going into it. Let me just say I love my family but dear god is it hard to deal with family when it comes to weddings. Expectations and pressure are real. Stick to what you want. Don't do something just because someone wants you to or says it's tradition. If in your heart it doesn't seem you or feel right, don't do it. If you want that donut tower, do it! If you don't want a garter toss, don't do it!
"Entitled" Parents
For me it's been dealing with my parents. My parents are generously paying for the majority of the wedding. So this means my mom thinks she's "entitled" (her words) to making some decisions and totally doesn't care what FH and I think. Also have gotten grief numerous times from both parents because FH and I are both atheist and will have zero religion in our ceremony.
I should have seen this coming when we accepted their money but I was naive as hell.
When Your Partner Says They "Don't Care," But They Definitely Do
My FH being sssooooo picky even though he "doesn't care." Gaaahhh!!!!! Things as simple as the font on our invitations. We've spent hours [sic: with me] trying different ones so he likes one. Got the information font settled, just need one for our names. But, you know, he really doesn't care. *Eye roll* hahahaha!
Rain Or Shine
We had a fairly long engagement (1.5 years) and I'm type-A to the max, so everything has gone fairly smoothly and I haven't had much stress at all... until now. We are 12 days out and I can't stop stressing about the weather. We're having a mostly outdoors affair and this is the one problem I can't plan away.
Too Many Crafts!
1: The timeline for my DIY projects. We're doing a destination wedding, and we get there around five days before the wedding. Which means I have four days to make four bouquets, five boutonnieres, six centerpieces, and any signs that we need.
My wedding is small (thank god) so this still exists in the rhelm of possibilities, but d*mn if I'm not stressed about it. I'm doing a trial run in October with my two best friends who are willing to sacrifice their Sunday for my wedding.
So be careful with your DIY projects, don't take on too much... It just makes it harder to stay grounded.
2: My dress fitting. When I bought my dress, I had to choose between two sizes. One that is some three-and-a-half inches bigger than me (so crazy alterations costs) vs. one that is one half inch smaller than me. The woman at the shop said I would be fine in the smaller size, and that the size I am now is perfectly fine! So I thought to myself (at the time), this is nothing!
However, my wedding is Dec. 28th, which means that I have to do the whole Christmas thing right before... I'm trying to lose some five pounds now so I have room to gain weight over Christmas.
I know I'm not gonna gain any real weight over the course of five days, but it's terrifying to think of myself, on the 28th, zipping into my dress and my godd*mn mother looking at me with that pitiful look of "Oh honey, you're gonna have to suck it in."
The Time Constraints
What's been the most stressful is the time frame. I'm a pretty anxious person, and my biggest anxiety is moving just because it has a time limit. You have to be out by exactly this time or you loose all your stuff. Here, too, we have a time limit. Everything has to be ready by Saturday at 11 when decorations are dropped off, and everything else has to be on time for the day to go well. The firmness of the timeline by which things have to be done is really getting to me, and I'm feeling my same moving panic attacks setting in this week.
She's On Her Own
Trying to do it all alone. My family doesn't care. It's a wedding, I'm happy, they are happy. My bridesmaids are mostly busy with one drama llama. His family hates weddings. And FH has the short term memory of a soap dish so I try to tackle everything alone.
The Guest List
The guest list. We're both in firm agreement that no kids will be in attendance, which we think makes sense (the reception is at a freakin' brewery!), but people keep getting shitty about it. "Can't you make an exception for me?" "Finding a babysitter is hard, my daughter is only two, you won't even know she's there," blah blah blah. We just keep reiterating no, sorry, that won't be possible, you've got 10 months to find a sitter, would love to see you but understand if you can't come due to little Janie. No one seems to be getting it.
We're also struggling with which friends to invite. This person comes with this person, this person is part of a well established group, so we have to invite him even though he makes me uncomfortable, this person doesn't know anyone else, I hate this girl but we see her all the time... that's its own mess.
Everyone’s opinions on the planning — specifically around the guest list.
Dear God .. that f*cking guest list. If I knew then what I know now I would’ve stuck to my original idea of getting married on a beach with no witnesses.
Allowing Her Parents To Pay For It
This is going to sound really silly, but so far I've really been struggling with my independence and control issues. My parents have said they are going to help pay, but it's hard for me to allow that. I've always been so independent!! I work hard and I have saved up money, but I know it's not enough and FH hasn't saved up barely any at all. So how come every time my mom asks if we want money for whatever deposit I just say I'll cover it and she can get the next one? ....Why am I so stubborn?!
Dealing With Divorced Parents
Family dynamics. Parents are divorced on both sides. Thankfully FH's are divorced amicably and the families have no problems being together. Then there are my parents and I'm going to have to find a way to keep one side away from the other... thankfully our reception room has this weird divide in the middle of it where our dance floor will go.
— u/ebpi
Having to tell the man who was FH's stepdad for over 10 years that we can't invite him because FH's mom refuses to be in the same room as him. Divorce sucks, I get it, but he deserves to be there.
You might have to deal with a ton of stress in the months leading up to your wedding, but at the end of that special day, you get to go home with your new spouse. Try to take comfort in knowing you're not the only person who's gone through the stress of wedding planning. At the end of the day, it'll all be worth it.
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