As a (bona fide) New Yorker, I've seen more than my fair share of weird sh*t on the train — including actual sh*t (among many other bodily fluids and things I'd rather not see).
As nasty as it gets, though, us New Yorkers have been spared the worst: There's a guy in Japan who lurks on the train, waits for unsuspecting passengers to board and jerks off on them.
This is a real thing.
And he's been spreading his seed, so to speak, at least twice a month, every month, since 2011.
According to Japanese authorities, he's finally been caught. Police caught him after matching his DNA to a semen sample taken off a teenage girl's skirt.
Police since identified the man as 40-year-old Tetsuya Fukuda, and he's the suspect in over 100 similar cases.
According to police, Fukuda would jerk off inside his coat that he had cut a hole in. They believe once he finished, he'd wipe his love juice on his unsuspecting victims
Oddly, he's only being charged with vandalism.
Here's hoping none of New York's finest get any ideas….