Uber has announced today that it will be banning U.S. passengers for boning in the back of their cars.
The statement was included as part of the company's updated "Community Guidelines." The guidelines are basically how Uber makes sure people stop being total dickwads to their Uber drivers who are kind enough to provide them with a safe way to get from Point A to Point B in the first place.
Under the section entitled, "Physical contact with the driver or fellow riders," Uber writes:
As our community guidelines make clear, you shouldn't touch or flirt with other people in the car. As a reminder, Uber has a no sex rule. That's no sexual conduct with drivers or fellow riders, no matter what. And you should never hit or otherwise hurt a driver or fellow passenger.
All right, so let's talk about having sex with the driver.
I mean, that just seems dangerous.
But that's not all Uber is banning. No sex with your boyfriend. No sex with the hot guy flirting with you in your UberPOOL. (Read the guidelines. He shouldn't even be flirting with you in the first place.) No sex with that random dude you met at the bar.
No sex with ANYBODY while you're in the back of your Uber.
And I'm pretty sure that means blowies, too.
Some other things that can get you kicked off the app for good? Messing up the back of your driver's car by "vomiting due to excessive alcohol consumption" and breaking the law by "bringing open containers of alcohol or drugs into the car."
If they deactivate your account for any of these reasons, there is only one way to get your account back:
...you may have the opportunity to get back on the road if you provide proof that you've successfully taken a quality improvement course offered by third party experts, available in most U.S. cities today.
Or you could just keep it in your pants until you get home and avoid the whole getting-kicked-off-Uber thing in the first place.