A man by the name of Ari Nagel is taking bathrooms by sperm -- uh, I mean, storm. Storm.
The New York Post reported that Nagel has an interesting hobby: He stations himself in public bathrooms, jizzes and then hands that jizz out to women who are ovulating. His semen is supposedly special because it has a high sperm count, so it's high in demand. How ... charitable of him?
Over the past twelve years, Nagel has sired 22 children with a total of 18 women. Wow. He'll usually set up his underground shop in a Target or Starbucks bathroom -- any sort of public restroom where not many people will be knocking -- and watch porn on his iPhone (he has to use his iPhone because Target won't allow shoppers to connect to WiFi if they're trying to access a porn site). Then, he'll pass his semen onto a woman, who will retire to the ladies' room and insert the semen into her cervix.
“This isn't time-consuming, and I'm doing it anyway," he explains of his side-project. "It's very easy for me to do.”
I suppose that logic is normal. Like, kidnapping a small child is easy for me to do, so I should just do that every day, right? Right. (No).
Nagel is a father of three. Allegedly, his wife had absolutely no clue about what was going on, but Nagel insists otherwise. He and his wife have been fighting a ton, so, there's that.
“She didn't support it. She always wanted me to be a regular, traditional spouse,” he says. What an OUTRAGEOUS demand she had of him.
But his wife isn't the only one who finds a problem with his little hobby. The first five women Nagel ever donated to are now suing him for child support. Nagel claims to be surprised himself that of the 22 women he's "helped," only five sued.
“You can't co-parent with 20-something kids,” one woman said, criticizing Nagel's, er, methods. The other four women could not be reached for comment.
When he's not handing out his jizz, Nagel teaches math in Brooklyn. Hmmm. Maybe he should actually stop counting sperm and start counting numbers.