Technology, today, is scary. Each year, technology becomes even more pocket- sized and in the process, life becomes more and more convenient. Nowadays, there's an app for everything.
You need food? Seamless. You need a date? Tinder. You need a date who's slightly less desperate? Hinge. It's too easy.
You don't even have to pester others for nude pics these days. iCloud will just toss them out like lollipops in a pediatric waiting room.
But there has to be a price we pay, right? Nothing comes without a price and technology surely has to have an uglier side that shadows its benefits.
1. Dudes, resting your laptop on your lap actually f*cks with your sperm.
After just a few hours of lap-use, the quality of male sperm can be impaired. In retrospect, they probably should've picked a different name, no?
2. When your computer feels "hot," it could actually be frying your thighs.
Periods of skin contact with an overheated, or "hot feeling," laptop can legitimately roast your legs. I'm not kidding; it's a real condition known as "toasted leg syndrome."
3. Microwaving vegetables with a little bit of water will pretty much negate most of their health benefits.
By microwaving broccoli, or "zapping" it, it will lose as much as 97 percent of its "beneficial antioxidants."
4. By sleeping next to your phone, you could ultimately set your entire home ablaze.
When you upload a cool new profile pic, your phone may figuratively "blow up" for a few hours, but by sleeping next to it, you could potentially blow up your entire house, literally. Some girl in Texas woke up to her Droid melting her bedsheets. There's no sexual innuendo behind that. Good ol' Droids.
5. LED screens give off blue light, which disrupts sleep cycles.
If you sleep next to your phone or with your TV on, the screens release a blue light, which is probably the reason you're always reaching for NyQuil at bedtime. Blue light inhibits the release of melatonin, a naturally existing hormone that helps you get to sleep.
6. Using an iPad can really f*ck with your neck, shoulders and posture in general.
iPads may look super sleek and trendy, but don't be surprised if you start looking like this.
Yeah, it can be pretty painful, too.
7. Twitter is more addicting than cigarettes.
8. Facebook hurts your self-image.
Using Facebook promotes a negative comparison for people. You're deemed more "popular" when your photos, posts and status updates accumulate more likes. For people generating fewer likes? They're left feeling unpopular as hell.
9. More people would ditch their toothbrush before ever leaving their iPhone.
By up to 40 percent. This is disgusting.
10. Americans throw away $60 million worth of gold and silver in the form of old phones.
Cell phones contain large amounts of precious metals. When Americans go to throw away their old shattered iPhone 4, they're also kissing away $60 million worth of gold and silver. Makes you think twice, doesn't it?
11. Your phone is dirtier than a public restroom toilet handle...
Compared to the average public bathroom toilet handle, an average iPhone carries 18 times the amount of unsafe bacteria. So, I wouldn't be kissing bae over Facetime any time soon.
12. ...And all that warmth is just a breeding ground for bacteria.
And yeah, if you haven't noticed, our iPhones get super hot. Aka it's the perfect breeding ground for germs.
13. Which means that using it so much causes you to break out more often.
Hot phone + germs + your face pressed against it = your complexion resembling that of Eloise Midgen (the chick in the "Harry Potter" series who always got roasted because of her acne).
14. Your dope ass Beats by Dre could be giving your eardrums a beating.
By listening to any headphones at a volume louder than 80 percent for more than 90 minutes, you're doing damage to your eardrums.
15. FaceTime is used to aid the diagnosis of cardiac disease.
FaceTime: Used for more than just passionate moments between long-distance lovers.
16. The rise of social media is directly related to the imminent rise in narcissism.
17. Author Kim Stolz took an informal survey and found out that 10 percent of her friends have checked their phone during intercourse.
For some reason, I can't help but imagine the "American Psycho" scene where Patrick Bateman is flexing in the mirror while indulging in a prostitute. Except, instead of flexing, he's Insta-scrolling.
18. PHANTOM VIBRATE SYNDROME IS A REAL THING.
People all over the nation are falsely reporting "vibrating" feelings in their pants that resemble that of a buzzing smartphone. That's disturbing.
19. And so is Digital Detox.
If you're looking for a device-free retreat or rehabilitation program, they totally exist. Equally as disturbing.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It