If you've ever been drunk, there's a good chance you vaguely remember eating pizza like a sloppy savage with a bunch of your friends. If you haven't created a memory like that, you should probably drink more.
Drunk-eating pizza is a sexy freedom that not many of us are fortunate enough to have in this cold, cruel world. Take advantage of it!
Don't you think spider crabs wish they could drunk-eat pizza with their hoodrat friends? Sure, they do... but they can't. Instead, they have to get shit-faced on salt water and tear apart an innocent squid, apparently.
In a new video uploaded to YouTube, a diver named Chiharu Shimowada captures a bunch of hungry spider crabs absolutely destroying a poor squid near Port Phillip Bay, Australia.
The spider crabs, which typically migrate to Port Phillip Bay, Australia from May to June, have seemingly popped up months ahead of their expected arrival -- and they're hungry AF.
They're just as hungry as you are at 4 am on a Thursday with an unshakable craving for oily cheese, fresh-baked bread and pizza sauce. Unfortunately for them, the sandy ocean floors aren't littered with dollar-slice shops like the Lower East Side is.
The sight was so strange, according to Storyful News, diver Chiharu Shimowada says he's never seen anything like this despite having been a scuba diver for 10 years.
Check out this gnarly clip of hungry spider crabs feasting on a poor, unfortunate squid.
Man, that is straight-up SPOOKY. I feel so bad for that squid. It was just minding its own damn business in the wrong part of town. Rest in peace, little dude.
I guess the only difference between these sober crabs and your drunk pizza-devouring friends is the crabs look like the stuff of nightmares and your friends.... well, I guess they do, too.