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Crabs Tearing Apart Squid Are Your Drunk Friends With Pizza

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If you've ever been drunk, there's a good chance you vaguely remember eating pizza like a sloppy savage with a bunch of your friends. If you haven't created a memory like that, you should probably drink more.

Drunk-eating pizza is a sexy freedom that not many of us are fortunate enough to have in this cold, cruel world. Take advantage of it!

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Don't you think spider crabs wish they could drunk-eat pizza with their hoodrat friends? Sure, they do... but they can't. Instead, they have to get shit-faced on salt water and tear apart an innocent squid, apparently.

In a new video uploaded to YouTube, a diver named Chiharu Shimowada captures a bunch of hungry spider crabs absolutely destroying a poor squid near Port Phillip Bay, Australia.

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The spider crabs, which typically migrate to Port Phillip Bay, Australia from May to June, have seemingly popped up months ahead of their expected arrival -- and they're hungry AF.

They're just as hungry as you are at 4 am on a Thursday with an unshakable craving for oily cheese, fresh-baked bread and pizza sauce. Unfortunately for them, the sandy ocean floors aren't littered with dollar-slice shops like the Lower East Side is.

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The sight was so strange, according to Storyful News, diver Chiharu Shimowada says he's never seen anything like this despite having been a scuba diver for 10 years.

Check out this gnarly clip of hungry spider crabs feasting on a poor, unfortunate squid.

Storyful News on YouTube

*Shivers profusely*

Man, that is straight-up SPOOKY. I feel so bad for that squid. It was just minding its own damn business in the wrong part of town. Rest in peace, little dude.

I guess the only difference between these sober crabs and your drunk pizza-devouring friends is the crabs look like the stuff of nightmares and your friends.... well, I guess they do, too.

Citations: Giant spider crabs ripping apart a squid has all the makings of a horror movie (Mashable)