Obama Goes Against Marijuana, Appoints Attorney General Loretta Lynch

Barack Obama has chosen Loretta Lynch to be his new Attorney General.

Lynch is a Harvard graduate and the current district attorney of the Eastern District of New York.

In this job, she prosecuted corrupt politicians from both sides of the aisle, and extracted billion-dollar settlements from Citigroup and HSBC for banking funny business.

She met with Eric Garner's family after his death. She supports easing restrictions against immigrants seeking work in this country. She will be the first black, female Attorney General and she doesn't support torture, or marijuana legalization.

Wait, what?

After Barack's wink-winking, and nudge-nudging with the reefer community, this is a bit of surprise. After he didn't crack down on the legalization laws of DC and three states, it appeared the federal government was done fighting America's pot habit.

America's attitude toward weed smokers has reminded me of my friend; let's call him Steve.

In high school, Steve smoked the reefer and his parents hated it. They did everything in their power to make him stop. They drug tested him and grounded him for weeks when he failed. They took his pot away whenever they found it and fed him exaggerated information about the drug's side effects.

And, nothing worked.

A couple years ago, Steve graduated from high school and took his pot habit with him to college, but his parents' fighting slowed. They had done all they could and failed; so, slowly, their objections lessened and they accepted their son as he is.

This is how the federal government had been progressing. They realized the War on Drugs is a big 'ol waste of money that hasn't curbed drug use even a little. They let medical usage slide.

Then, recreationalization got through, as well. The day of country-wide legalization that had been foretold in so many drum circles in the 60s seemed to be just over the horizon.

But, then, this appointment happened. Not only does Lynch not support legalization, she also won't support legalization at any point in her term as Attorney General.

The position is a little ridiculous. Enforcing marijuana's illegality costs swimming pools of money. The drug has only increased in potency and mystique as the government has pushed its production deeper underground.

In this pseudo-60s era, pot is everywhere, and telling people not to smoke it is like trying to prevent everyone from swimming in the ocean. It is an impossible task to prevent something that is just not that dangerous.

There needs to be no further proof of marijuana's tolerability than our very own commander in chief. In his memoir, Barry O admitted to smoking that bombass dankass. But, according to David Maraniss' upcoming biography, the president was no casual smoker.

He and his Hawaiian buddies referred to themselves as the Choom gang (Choom being an ancient word for pot), and Barack had some ground rules for membership. He prided TA, or total absorption, of smoke, so if a participant in the roto coughed out a hit too soon, that was grounds for getting skipped.

His thrifty smoking habits also included "Roof Hits," which would be taken after a hot box, when the baked passengers of the car breathed in the smoke that had collected on the ceiling.

Barack was also known for pulling interceptions, which is a rather ballsy play, and stands in contrast to the usually tranquil disposition of choom smokers.

This tidbit inspired a classic "Key and Peele" sketch of Obama's college years, which birthed the classic line, "Don't Sleep on Barry O" -- something I've shouted every time Obama is in a debate.

In any case, Barack ended his pot habit when he entered the public sphere and has condemned the herb as "a vice" similar to cigarettes and no different from alcohol.

And, Barack's right; pot use can get out of hand. For a "non-addictive" drug, it can become an unhealthy habit that saps motivation and just kinda makes you boring, as "South Park" has perfectly explained already.

That said, pot isn't going to kill you, or put you at risk of killing someone else. It is not that harmful, but it's not harmless. It's fun, fine in moderation and can open your mind to new ideas -- some novel, some strange and some just irredeemably stupid.

The symptoms of reefer madness are wearing off, and our country is beginning to look at this minor vice in a more rational way.

We know a puff of joint doesn't doom you to a life spent deflated on a couch, and now, we're even giving grannies their first hits of the ganja.

Pot smokers have gone on to do great things. Michael Phelps smoked pot. Arnold Schwarzenegger smoked pot. Our parents and all their friends smoked pot. And, Barack, as far removed as he may be from being the Barry O of yesteryear, partook in some righteous bud.

The moral is you probably shouldn't smoke pot, but if you do, you can still win a ton of gold medals, earn worldwide fame or even become president.