13 Ways To Cope With Hillary's Endorsement, From One Bernie Bro To Another
On Tuesday, Bernie Sanders is expected to formally endorse Hillary Clinton.
Some believe this is long overdue. Others might say he's giving up on his supporters.
I'm a Bernie Sanders supporter. So if you're a little upset about this, I understand where you're coming from.
I don't count myself as an official "Bernie Bro," as I'm not really a fan of inundating complete strangers with online abuse from my parents' basement. I prefer to support presidential candidates without exhibiting irrational hatred for women and an absurd sense of entitlement.
But that's just me.
If you are a "Bernie Bro," however, I'm sure this must be a trying time.
Here are some coping mechanisms that will get you through the days ahead. These are all certified "Bernie Bro" activities, and definitely healthy ways to spend your time:
1. Play darts with a picture of Hillary.
2. Get a 12-pack of PBR, and watch old Bernie speeches on YouTube while sobbing loudly.
3. Talk with your fellow "Bernie Bros" about how hard it is being a disenfranchised white male in America.
4. Go to the park and play Pokémon Go for days.
5. Listen to Dave Matthews Band and/or Jack Johnson, and dance the pain away.
6. Watch "Curb Your Enthusiasm," and pretend you're watching Bernie.
7. Watch every single "Harry Potter" movie, and pretend Hillary is Voldemort.
8. Go on Reddit and express your mysoginistic feelings. Really let them out.
9. Play Call of Duty, and let your anger out by yelling at random 12-year-olds.
10. Go to Wall Street and throw Monopoly money at the millionaires and billionaires.
11. Pick up the Monopoly money because bees are dying at an alarming rate.
12. Build a website full of conspiracy theories about the election, and share it with EVERYONE.
13. Start new Twitter accounts using anonymous names and photos, and be mean to complete strangers who don't agree with everything you say.
In all seriousness, please don't do any of these things (other than perhaps play Pokémon Go).
But be careful if you play it. It can be seriously dangerous.
On another serious note, thank you, Bernie Sanders, for running a campaign that focused on the vital issues we're facing as a country, and for inspiring millions of people: especially young people.
The progressive movement you've catalyzed is not going anywhere.