Ella Cotton/ Retro Inc

'Cocktastic' Coloring Book Makes A Strong Penis-Packed Gift

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There's nothing I'd enjoy more than adding color to decorative drawings of penises.

Don't you agree? It seems so... therapeutic.

I'm thrilled to announce I can finally fulfill my creative desires with a "cocktastic" coloring book that's recently been released.

It's called "Cocktastic! Colorful Cocks," illustrated by our fellow penis-lover, Ella Cotton.

To be honest, it's at the top of my Christmas list.

Ella Cotton/ Retro Inc

Speaking of Christmas, the slogan under the book's cover floral illustration says "Jingle Balls!" which makes me want to own a copy even more.

What's better than penis drawings and the holidays?!

NOTHING.

This year, a slew of adult coloring books hit the market, targeting those who needed to de-stress in a nostalgic way.

After one book was released featuring scandalous drawings of sex positions, we thought we'd seen the kinkiest of 'em.

Boy, were we wrong.

Ella Cotton/ Retro Inc
Ella Cotton/ Retro Inc

The images illustrated by Cotton in "Cocktastic! Colorful Cocks" includes detailed, penis-filled drawings of everything from Michelangelo's David to nuns harvesting from a "cock tree," Metro Reports.

Apparently, Cotton spoke with Metro about her reasoning behind creating a color book dedicated to cocks, and she's pretty much my hero.

She reportedly said,

I felt I wanted to do something a bit cheeky and funny. [...] The shape of the erect penis is a pretty strong symbol and I can see why its been adopted by many arts & cultures.

I've never seen a penis this pretty before.

Heck, even some of the penises have penises!

Ella Cotton/ Retro Inc

The artist reportedly continued, saying,

There are a surprising amount of willies in art! The phallic male member has been regarded as a symbol of good luck, fertility and a way of warding off "the evil eye."

SO. MANY. WILLIES.

Ella Cotton/ Retro Inc
Ella Cotton/ Retro Inc

One ~important~ disclosure is written at the top right-hand corner of the cover of the book.

It says,

Rubbing this book will not make it bigger.

LOL. DAMNIT.

I need a copy of this book for myself and all my single friends.

Oh, wait... I'm the only "single friend."

Please buy me this book.

(You can buy it on Amazon, here!)

Citations: Metro