Sorry, everyone: Your entire life has been a lie.
Hear me out.
Imagine you've been hit with a sudden craving for candy. You go to the store, fork over a dollar (or, if you live in New York, your life savings) for a bag of gummy bears. Because you're a classy one, you go for the classic Haribo Gold-Bears gummies: the good kind.
As you're eating, you relish in the sugary, fruity flavors of the miniature bears, switching colors as you go: Yellow for lemon, red for raspberry, green for… wait, what is that flavor?
You've been conditioned to associate that toxic waste-like shade of green with green apple or lime. Watermelon, even, if we're getting fancy.
But Haribo's green gummy bears are none of these flavors. Haribo's green gummy is, perplexingly, strawberry flavored. A writer for Metro's UK site made this baffling discovery today, and dutifully shared her findings with the rest of the English-speaking world via a short post on the site; she, too, felt betrayed by the secret life of the Green Gummy.
If you're feeling confused, outraged, lost — just know that you're not alone.
I suggest that you go to the grocery store and stock up on as much green apple, lime (and maybe even watermelon) candy you can get your hands on, and stuff your face until it hurts.
Candy-replacement therapy may not heal your wounds — that's time's job — but it will certainly help.