Male members of a super-jealous species of spider mutilate their mates' genitals in an effort to keep those asses untapped by any future spider suitors.
According to a discovery published Thursday in Current Biology, when a male member of orb-weaving spider species Larinia jeskovi is finished mating with a female, the male uses his pedipalps -- meant to deliver sperm to a female spider -- to twist and tear off her scapus.
The scapus is necessary for lady Larinia jeskovi to get busy as it's a protrusion allowing male Larinia jeskovi to latch on with their leg-like pedipalps.
It's normal for female spiders to be sexually active with multiple male spiders, National Geographic reports, although they only fertilize their eggs with sperm from one specific spider who likely really gets them.
Male spiders, who seem more and more like needy, possessive boyfriends by the second, apparently take additional measures to prevent their female counterparts from sharing the love.
Male spiders of some species castrate themselves during sex to block their lovers' reproductive tracts, bringing the sex train to a screeching halt for both genders.
The male Larinia jeskovi found a way to maintain their reproductive organs, though, leaving them free to continue mounting virgin spiders until all the scapuses in the land have been torn free of their owners.
Ah, spider life. It's a terrifying fever dream.