Remember being in high school and being so stressed about your grades, your extra curricular activities and your volunteer work?
What if you don't get into college?
What if you're the laughing stock of your hometown?
What if you never get the chance to get so drunk that you attempt to use a slice of pizza as a state-issued form of identification?
Don't worry. You'll get into college.
Also, as is my experience, you don't even have to be in college to try to use a slice of pizza as your ID. You can literally try it at any time.
On Thirsty Thursday, a 21-year-old UMass student in Amherst was banned from a bar after causing a bit of a scene.
Police were summoned to an establishment known as "Monkey Bar," because of course it is called "Monkey Bar," where they were told a woman was asked to provide her ID for entrance. Instead, she held up a piece of pizza.
She was informed,
Pizza [is] not a valid means of gaining entry to the establishment.
She then slapped the bouncer across the face.
I have a few questions.
First, was she trying to bribe the bouncer with a slice of pizza because she forgot her ID? Or was she trying to actually pass the pizza off as her real ID?
Did she pull the pizza from her purse, as I would assume a person would pull an ID from their purse?
I mean, if you're a bouncer in a college town, I'm sure you've had weirder things happen to you besides someone using pizza as a bribe.
When I was underaged, a group of my 21-year-old friends and I went to a bar. A bouncer asked for all our IDs.
I told him that I was already inside and I left it with the bartender with my checkbook.
He had my friends go in without me to "get my ID." After 45-minutes of listening to me talk as we waited, he felt so bad he just let me in -- and I got to keep my slice of pizza.
Kids these days. Amateurs.