You know, just when you think you've figured out this world, someone throws a huge curveball your way and you're back to square one.
This is one of those moments.
So let me break it to you short, sharp and blunt -- it's easier to digest that way: The "close door" button in elevators does nothing. It's a complete lie. A phony. Metal deceit.
It's believed the close button became obsolete with the passing of the Americans With Disabilities Act back in 1990.
Part of the act made it mandatory for elevators to stay open for a time period long enough for someone with a disability to enter.
They can still be used, but you just need a special key or PIN number to activate the button. Firefighters, for example, may need to have access to the button in case of emergencies.
But aren't you glad we have them? They make you feel a little bit more in control of the world.
Until now. Sorry to break the news, guys.
Do you want some more truth bombs while we're at it? Okay, but only because you asked nicely. Let's stick with the button theme.
Most of those crosswalk buttons in New York City are complete BS as well. To be more precise: 2,500 of the 3,250 buttons are duds.
You can still push them -- they feel and look great -- but they do nothing. That's because of an overhaul of the city's traffic signaling a while back.
They're still there because it'll cost an estimated $1 million to replace them, and wouldn't you want that money to go to something fun like road maintenance?
Still not satisfied? Fine, let me blow your mind for a third time.
That thermostat in your office is probably fake. It's been known for a while that many offices have phony dials to make us feel in control.
Well, sorry to break it to you, chump, but you ain't in control of jack. Deal with it.