For anyone who considers sexual shame and paranoia to be on par fun-wise with having one's hair gently french braided by Oprah at an all-you-can-eat buffet, there is a new calculator for you, and it is muy divertido.
The Sex Degrees of Separation calculator by LloydsPharmacy tests the old health class warning that insists when you have sex with one person, you're also having sex with each of that person's sexual partners.
In theory, the other sexual partners never actually make an appearance, but the sexual imprints (or STIs in some crappy cases) they imparted are carried forth to you.
The calculator asks users to identify how many members of each age group they slept with throughout their histories of sexual activity. It then calculates the likely numbers of indirect sexual partners the users garnered.
Here's an exciting example: If a woman slept with one man between the ages of 16 and 19, she has roughly 137,548 indirect sexual partners.
Someone like me, who is very cool and had lots of really sexy intercourse with a lot of important icons like Pitbull,* probably has anywhere from 200,000 to 40 million indirect sexual partners.
As horrifying as the statistics generated by this calculator are, the pharmacy's underlying intention is to encourage frequent testing and sexual responsibility.
On its site, the pharmacy wrote,
This calculator illustrates how exposed you can be to STIs, and how important safe sex is. But even when using condoms, you are still at risk from STIs such as warts and herpes, and you may already be carrying a symptomless STI. Get yourself tested after each new partner.
Instead of requiring a new partner to calculate and share his or her massive tangle of indirect sex buds before sleeping with him or her, you can adopt a far less awkward alternative by using protection and confirming a clean bill of health.
*I never actually had sex with Pitbull, but perhaps indirectly, I did as he is Mr. Worldwide.