OK, let's calm down, New Zealand pub scene.
Have you ever thought,
Hey, this beer is great, but I sure do wish a stag ejaculated into the cup before I drank it?
Of course, you have. We all have.
Thankfully, The Green Man Pub in Wellington heard the cry of the New Zealand beer-drinking community and answered the call by offering pints of beer laced with fresh helpings of stag semen.
I assume you're gagging because of how happy you are to hear such a beverage is now being offered, and you almost vomited because that's your natural reaction to exciting news.
The beer was concocted by Choice Bros Brewing, and it is intended to be served leading up to Beervana, a craft beer festival at Westpac Stadium in Wellington, New Zealand beginning in August.
Don't worry, the stag semen is from a legit source. There will be no B-grade stag semen in this brew.
Stuff.co reports someone's job was to extract the stag semen from a donor named Lagoon, a sire stag with a "considerable reservoir."
Pub owner Steve Drummond even went as far as to say one donor's stag semen is “export-quality.”
This isn't the first time The Green Man Pub crew experimented with adding semen to drinks.
In 2011, the pub offered apple-infused shots of horse semen it claims were popular with the ladies. Two years later, it decided to stop tiptoeing around the crunchy-socked bush and just flat out offer shot-sized syringes full of stag semen.
Legit, just syringes full of stag semen.
Choice Bros brewer Kerry Gray said he wasn't completely on board with the plan when he was approached to make the beer, but eventually, he agreed.
The first tasting we had a couple of brewers around and we were passing it around... Everyone was apprehensive but we decided we didn't really have any reason to be.
He said the beer has a creamy texture -- from the lactose, not the stag semen -- and chocolate-like characteristics.
I've said the words "stag semen" eight times in this post.
Enjoy your lunch, everybody!