11 Times Music, Literally, Saved Your Life
Granted, "music saved my life," has become something of a cliché over the past few decades or so – it's also true as f*ck.
While music definitely hasn't bestowed any deal of fame upon me, or provided a new house for my mother, either, I can honestly say it's saved my life – on numerous occasions, no less.
I mean, there are the obvious times, like when you're in an Uber home with a girl you're trying to close. Without music, you'd find yourself trapped in a silent car with Abaar – and some girl you have no relationship with past a few drunk pick-up lines at a bar.
Now, insert the availability of an "aux cord," and suddenly that car isn't so awkward anymore – now you put on something everyone can vibe to, kick your feet up, and watch the party unfold.
That's the beauty of music though, its importance is often so underrated despite the fact that most people listen to music throughout the majority of their days.
For this reason, I've highlighted a few specific scenarios where music is super important – I'd even go as far to say necessary.
Without further ado, here are the 11 situations where music literally saved your life.
11. When you’re commuting on mass transit.
Realistically, I’d rather walk 20 blocks and three avenues – in the heart of the winter – with my iPod on me, than ride the subway one stop without it.
Mass transit is not designed for socializing; if it were, we probably would have built a lounge that takes you from Harlem to SoHo over the course of a few drinks by now.
That’s not the case, mass transit is meant for solitude. Solitude, and headphones on max volume.
10. At a mixer in college.
I don’t think young adults ever fully grasp the extent of how awkward any of their college social gatherings would’ve been, sans music.
Yeah, they may have been called "mixers" but, realistically, nobody was actually doing too much mixing.
Most of the time music is played at exceedingly loud volumes for the sole purpose of hindering conversation, so to create the illusion that people are socializing.
Meanwhile, people are just trying to figure out ways to mouth the lyrics to the song without making it overly obvious they don’t know what they are.
9. While doing cardio.
Truthfully I don’t think I could drive my car without listening to music, let alone run a few miles without deep tech thumping from my headphones. Cardio without music, is that a serious question?
I’ll never understand people who work out in silence, seriously, where does that motivation come from?
I suppose they come from the same planet where studying was ever a possibility earlier than the night before an exam.
8. In a semi-crowded elevator.
When in the presence of people you don’t know, I feel like the polite thing to do is acknowledge them, first, and then perhaps make some small talk.
Now, while that very well might be the polite thing to do – it’s also the awkward thing to do – and that’s why elevators play sh*tty jazz music, at all times: to avoid five or six people being mad awkward in a super-confined space.
7. During a one-night stand.
True one-night stands involve the least amount of attachment possible, and the only way to secure this is by speaking as little as possible – and that’s where we’ll see the importance of music.
Throw on a little PARTYNEXTDOOR – or some f*cking Miguel, for that matter – and enjoy yourself. Don’t stress the whole conversational aspect of things too much, they’re called one-night stands for a reason. It's not daytime television.
6. On a flight.
Planes could be really f*cking annoying if you don’t have music, especially considering how the f*cking baby adjacent to you hasn’t stopped crying – and apparently mom doesn’t really mind all that much.
With that being said, throw on a couple Drake albums, successively, and your international flight will be over before you know it.
Not to mention, now that wailing kid’s mother will know how annoying it is to sit next to someone who's crying.
5. When walking alone.
Walking alone without music has become an extinct habit, especially if you’re shadily not a people-person and constantly find yourself looking for excuses not to interact with others.
The white Apple earbuds are like the international sign for “leave me the f*ck alone.”
If we didn’t have music, think about the number of stop and chats we’d have to engage in over the course of our days. No thank you.
4. At the beach.
Music is necessary for beaches primarily because people at beaches don’t want to speak. They either want to lie out in the sun – or look at women lying out in the sun – trust me, they don’t want to small talk.
Without music on the beach, I don’t know, what is there even to talk about?
The whole point of the beach is to take a break from sh*t like politics, and work, and problems with your significant other – rehashing them at the beach would just defeat the purpose.
3. At a barbecue.
No BBQ would be complete without Dad bragging about how good “this Bruce” sounds out of the new wireless surround sound unit he purchased for the f*cking patio.
The idea of barbecues incorporating mid-80s rock ballads is about as American as pie incorporating cooked apples, and we’re all grateful.
Shut your eyes and try to imagine yourself at a picnic table, listening to four to five different people gnaw away at respective cobs of corn.
Yeah, exactly – you’ll never look at that 4th of July playlist in the same light, huh?
2. While cleaning.
For some strange reason, not only does music make cleaning slightly tolerable, it’ll also have an astounding impact on your cleaning efficiency too.
Nowadays, I’ll let my room accumulate months worth of Backwood guts and Pop Tarts wrappers before deciding, “yeah, now’s a good time to clean.”
I don’t really sweat it – give me some Yeezus, and I’ll have that room so clean you could eat cereal out of the ashtrays before "New Slaves" drops.
1. At a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
Aside from the catered penne alla vodka and chicken parm, let’s be real, kids really only went to Bar (or Bat) Mitzvahs for two reasons: first off, to do the "cha cha slide" – and, secondly – to see if they could sneak a little grinding sesh in with one of the paid dancers.
If you haven’t gathered by now, both of these entities require music. See, when you’re 13 and your buddy Marc’s grandma is on the dancefloor next to you, shakin’ her stuff, it’s cute. Hell, I’d even say it’s adorable.
Now, I’ll tell you what’s not cute, and that’s paying some multiple of $18 to stand around around a quiet room with some other kid’s awkward family – with all due respect. That’s what a Bar Mitzvah would be without music.