I have dreamed about being rich more times than I could possibly count. I would bet a good amount of pretend-money that you've done the same.
We think about what it would be like to win the lottery, be (or marry) a famous actor or basketball player and have our lives forever changed by a windfall of cash. In our wildest dreams, we can see the yacht we would buy to sail around the world. We swear we can taste the tiramisu our private Italian chef would make us every night.
In our dreams, money has the power to make everything better. We envision ourselves as happy, healthy people swimming in a sea of coins and cash, having the time of our lives.
Yet money isn't always the answer. In fact, just as the song suggests, sometimes more money really does mean more problems. Here are seven examples.
1. When people start seeing you differently even though you didn't change.
People are always saying that money changes you. It's the basic assumption that you become haughty and obnoxious once you get rich.
It doesn't have to be like that, and you can do everything in your power to stay grounded, but certain people are still going to believe it.
2. When people start talking sh*t about you behind your back.
Once everyone starts seeing you differently, there's only one logical next step: People are going to start talking sh*t about you. It's a defense mechanism, of course. They're jealous that you have something they don't.
It's natural that they'll spread a rumor that you're having an affair with the office intern or that you airbrush all of your Instagram photos. It's just easier for them to put you down so they feel better about what they don't have.
3. When you're bored AF because you pay everyone to do your bidding.
In theory, having enough money to pay people to complete the menial tasks you're tired of doing sounds amazing. Theoretically, it's even better if you're so rich that you don't have to do anything at all, even work. But what will you actually do with all that extra time?
Idle hands may be the devil's workshop, but idle minds are even more terrifying. They give you too much time to think about all the things that have gone wrong in life.
4. When people stop being real with you just to get on your good side.
The people who are going to talk sh*t behind your back when you get more money are the same people who are going to ham it up to your face. They may insult you, but they're still going to want your money and help in the future.
When this is the case, it's near impossible to tell when people are being real with you. Do they actually like your new purse, or are they just saying that so you'll buy them one for their birthday?
5. When you have to wonder if this person is dating you or your money.
A leggy bombshell is dating a short older man. Someone asks her why she'd date someone so short. She responds, “He's taller when he stands on his wallet.”
You don't want to be the short older man who's being used for his money. But unless you're dating someone who's just as rich as you, how will you ever really know that you're not?
6. When your family wants to take advantage of your generosity.
I'd like to think that when most people get rich, taking care of their families is a top priority. It's the right thing to do.
But how are you supposed to handle it when they start relying on that generosity a little too much? Or when family members you haven't talked to in eons come out of the woodwork looking for a handout?
It's okay for there to be a limit to your generosity. You have to defend yourself from people who want to take advantage of what you have to give.
7. When the money doesn't fix the problems you already had.
If your problems consist of falling behind on rent and the accrual of massive debt, sure, money can solve that. In fact, it's the only solution.
But for many of us, our biggest problems run much deeper. We're dealing with family dysfunction, loneliness and myriad other issues that can't be solved with the swipe of a credit card. We may think that money allows us to fake it 'til we make it, but it still leaves us dealing with the issues that were always there.
So, yes, we can keep dreaming for someone to come to our door with a $10 million check. But we can't expect that money to solve our problems. In fact, we should expect a few more problems to come down the pike.
For the Calloways on STARZ's hit comedy Survivor's Remorse, more money brings more problems, more drama and more laughs. Download the STARZ app to catch up on Survivor's Remorse now, and don't miss the Season 3 premiere on Sunday, July 24 at 10pm on STARZ.