I have to be honest with you: I’ve never been one to “dress to impress,” and pretty much all of my clothes have holes in them.
I don’t mind falling asleep on someone’s couch or outside under a dense sea of stars.
I have always had a sincere disdain for authority. Skateboarding is my preferred method of transportation (driving in NYC sucks anyway).
I typically like the company of animals over people. I consider most short-term social interactions to be fake.
Walking in Times Square sometimes gives me anxiety attacks. I don’t have much regard for money, material possessions or things I find to be superficial.
The idea of having a house with a white picket fence, wife and two kids doesn’t excite me. I can be presumptuous as hell from time to time.
So, depending on whom you ask, I either sound like someone worth sharing a joint with while discussing the meaning of life or someone you would cringe at the thought of dating.
But, the least you can do is respect the fact that I’m honest, right?
Isn’t there something admirable about someone who would rather follow the sentiment “Come as you are” instead of “Fake it 'til you make it”?
What do you think caused me to be this way? Maybe it has something to do with that time in high school when my friend and I ate mushrooms and watched Pink Floyd’s “The Wall.”
Or, maybe it was because my dad was never really around when I was growing up.
Whatever it was, it’s irrelevant. I am who I am: young, broke, reckless and free with a lust for life and adventure.
I stop, drop, shut 'em down and open up shop. Ride or die to the end. I have no shame in my game whatsoever.
Now that you have a bit of context into where I’m coming from, I can tell you all about when I was 18: I was just kicked out of my house, driving a Camaro that was primed but not painted, living in a dinky one bedroom apartment, working dead end jobs and selling a bit of weed just to get by.
To some, this might not sound ideal, but I was pretty damn happy. I had some of the best friends in the world, and they never failed to stimulate me creatively and intellectually.
I chose not to go straight to college after high school because the thought of more school always made me think “f*ck that!” and I wasn’t at all ashamed about it. And, the cherry on top was being able to smoke for free all the time.
Every day was an adventure. Sure, I thought I had it all figured out at that time, but who doesn’t at some point while young?
So, when it came time for me to find a new job to pay my rent, I did what most people do: apply desperately to every place I thought would take me.
I vividly remember having an argument with my mom at this time about my ring back tone.
Every time she would call my cell to check in with me, Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre’s "Nuthin’ But A 'G' Thang" would play on the other line until I answered the call.
She would badger me endlessly to change it, with the argument no one would hire me. My mom has always been a more left-brained, logical thinker while I’ve always been a right-brained dreamer.
This sort of thing was nothing new to me, but I never enjoy disappointing her. I told her I would change it, but for some reason I never did.
Within a week, I got a voicemail from the owner of a restaurant asking me to come in for an interview. It was a small Philly cheesesteak place run by an Armenian family.
At the interview, the owner sat me down and got right to it:
“I got your application and résumé, but that’s not why I wanted you to come by. I actually wanted to interview you because of your ring back song,” he said.
That moment ignited an instantaneous bromance. We shared our love of hip-hop, firing off names like Ice Cube, The Pharcyde and The Notorious B.I.G.
We got into a friendly competition to see who could name the most members of Wu-Tang Clan, and we even had a quick sing along of “Da Mystery Of Chessboxin'.
It was easily the most unforgettable job interview I’ve ever had, and I ended up starting the very next day.
Another week later, I got a call from the Barnes & Noble across the street for an interview.
As someone who has always loved reading and longed for a career as a novelist, it was a big deal to get a call back from one of the largest booksellers in the country.
During the interview, the hiring manager asked what some of my favorite books were.
This has always been a question that could send me off into rants and raves about all the authors and books that have influenced and inspired me most.
If I had some common sense, I would have played it safe and kept it simple; I would have rattled off some clichéd, canonized names like Shakespeare, Hemmingway or Fitzgerald.
But, of course, I didn’t have any. Instead, I rambled on about the anti-materialistic and nihilistic nature of Chuck Palahniuk’s “Fight Club,” my thoughts on Noam Chomsky’s “Profit Over People” and how incredible “The Catcher in the Rye” truly is.
I remember leaving the interview thinking I wouldn’t get the job, but a few days later they called me back to tell me to come in for my first day.
I ended up working both jobs at the same time for a while and loving every moment. I’ve worked so many different jobs in different cities with different people, but my time working those two places was by far my favorite.
It had nothing to do with the money (because I wasn’t making much of anything) or even the type of work I was doing.
It had everything to do with the people I was working with. Both hiring managers saw something in me.
Maybe our mutual interest in good music resonated with the Philly cheesesteak manager.
Maybe my passion for discussing literature caught the attention of the Barnes & Noble manager.
Or, maybe it was the fact I had the balls to not present myself as anyone but me that landed me those jobs.
Whatever it was, it worked.
I’m sure some of you reading this are probably thinking I’m extremely immature (I can’t argue with that at all) or I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.
But, consider this: We all have had job interviews where we left thinking “I ran that sh*t like a boss!”
You wore your best outfit. You swung by the barbershop or salon beforehand and got your hair done. You probably even took two showers in a row so you smelled like a bed of fresh spring roses.
And during the interview, you nailed every question, feeding some old dude with a clipboard everything you thought he wanted to hear.
Yet despite all this effort, three weeks pass, and you never got a call back.
It can be a real shot to your ego, especially when it was a job you really, really wanted.
You'd sit around, depressed, sipping 40 ounces on the corner of St. Marks while screaming “Why!?” at the moon.
It haunts you all night long, and all you can think is, why not you? Where did you go wrong?
Well, maybe that clipboard guy thought your suit was ugly or your dress was too short. Or maybe, he thought your hair looked like a bird's nest.
Do you think he may have thought you smelled like an old lady fart or a pile of dead babies instead of a bed of roses? Or maybe, just maybe, he saw through that fake ass “Pick me, pick me!” act you pulled.
Either way, no one knows except him (maybe God, if you’re into that sort of thing and maybe even the people he gossiped with around the water cooler after you left).
Here’s the honest truth: If you are a genuinely nice person with the best intentions, you don’t kick puppies and you respect your mother, then you are awesome. Yes, you. You should never have to change or adjust yourself for anyone.
You need to realize you can’t please everyone. Somewhere out there, even in a galaxy far, far away, someone thinks you are a douchebag.
Many people (maybe even you) think I’m a douche bag. There are a handful of people who think the editors of Elite Daily are douchebags (but they are just pissed at how unstoppable ED is).
So, with that said, doesn’t it make sense to be honest with everyone you encounter?
I think we all can agree the worst part about dating is how fake some people are when you initially meet them.
Ladies, I’m sure you’ve encountered guys you felt were saying just about anything to get in your pants. Guys, we’ve all met girls who have "led us on" or said one thing only to end up doing another.
So, why are these faux encounters shunned in the dating world (and just about every other avenue of life), but considered acceptable practices in job searching?
The reality is, just like dating, there is no such thing as the "right"or "wrong" way to answer.
There is no formula that will guarantee you will land every job you apply for. What works for one interview may very well work against you in another.
A simple Google search like “What hiring managers are looking for?” will give you a ton of results with a lot of great advice.
One notable, reoccurring theme in just about all of the articles is “honesty.”
This is a very broad concept, and it doesn’t mean you should show up to your interview in your My Little Pony pajamas because you love nothing more than cuddling up with your cats at home and binge-watching “Orange Is the New Black” while eating Fruit Loops.
But, if you go into your interview spouting the same, “I’m reliable and hardworking” rhetoric like everyone before you did, you won't stand out.
Another Google search like “creative resumés” brings up some of the most beautiful, well thought out and artistic résumés you will ever see.
Sure, not all of us are creative or artistically inclined, but it goes to show that stepping outside of the box can garner some great results.
But again, if you don’t think some of these résumés have received job rejections, you are missing my point.
Dating and relationships carry so much weight because sex and love is involved. Job searching and careers carry that same weight, only with money and financial stability.
These are things everyone wants and may even need at times, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
But, just like a relationship, doesn’t it feel so much better when you find someone who accepts you for you, laughs at all your corny jokes and tells you what you need to hear as opposed to what you want to hear?
Isn’t it so much better when things are real?
If things start out fake, then you have to keep up that façade for as long as you are there. If an employer decides to go with you based on the fake you, it may backfire.
They take into account how the “you” presented will fit into the company. If he or she likes you, there’s a good chance your coworkers will, too.
If that Pink Floyd mushroom party taught me anything, it was that being “Another brick in the wall” isn’t at all original or admirable. It’s actually pretty boring and easily forgettable.
Find out what makes you you, and don’t be afraid to exploit the hell out of it.
At the end of the day, no one can be you better than you can.