So you finally decided to get up off your ass and get a job you actually like — well make sure you don’t f*ck up the interview first.
While you may be nervous, there is a formula to acing these things. Become the man and get the spot that you deserve!
These are the 10 Things You Need To Do To Nail Your Next Interview.
10. Don't smoke a blunt beforehand.
This is one of the few scenarios in life where being stoned won't help as you will surely need to be on your A-game. There's nothing worse than going on a crazy high-rant then asking yourself, "what the hell am I talking about?" once you're done speaking. The last thing you want to do is get distracted by your interviewer's cool screensaver and completely forget what you're saying mid-sentence.
9. Get laid in the morning or at least rub one out.
Get any tension or stress you may have out by busting a nut. This will instantly help relieve stress. However it will make you pretty tired. Once you do this, you should be good to go!
8. Take a shot before you go in.
You need to loosen up and get yourself comfortable. And the best way to do this is to get a little buzzed! Don't be scared to take a shot or two before you head in, but take a breath mint immediately after so you don't come off as a complete idiot.
7. Present yourself like a man.
Even if you're a woman, act like a man. Make eye contact and let your presence be felt the moment you walk in the door. Confidence is one of the most important qualities to display during an interview. Show them that you're about this life.
6. Don't be boring.
You can usually gauge how candid you can be based on how corporate of a setting you're in or how chill the interviewer is. Just remember that we are all people. You should be able to relate to them on many levels. They don't want some creep who might potentially shoot up the office one day. Be interesting.
5. Lie your ass off.
While you can't really lie about education or past work experiences, you should surely lie about your skill set. Be the last person they ever need. Show them that your value is limitless and that you would be an irreplaceable asset to their company. Do you have any graphic design skills? You will tomorrow when you go home, download Photoshop, get on Youtube and start watching some tutorials!
4. Talk about girls.
This only works if you can tell your interviewer isn't a herb or a spy. As we all know, nothing brings men closer than the unwavering affinity for women. So break the ice by sharing some stories. If you can, give them a recommendation for a good rub-and-tug spot or what country to visit for the best hookers, you have surely won some brownie points.
3. Ask questions.
Engage them and show that you have a genuine interest in the company and their services. Let them know what you think and that you are ready to learn. But don't try to nag and ask too much. Find the right balance of when you should interject.
2. Be someone they'd want to hang out with.
Show them that you're on the same wavelength. No one wants to be around another person they can't stand all day, so even if you don't have much in common, make it seem like you do. Don't let this be the deciding factor that prevents you from getting the job you want.
1. Talk about the future.
At the end of the day, they want to see if you bring value to their company or not. Show them that you have this and more. Let them know you're always thinking one step ahead. Make it clear that they are investing in someone worth their while.
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