You Must Be Happy With Yourself First & Foremost

by Ashley Fern

If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship. Why do some people believe that relationships are the key to happiness? I used to think this way but it only made the relationship I had that much worse.

Before you can settle into a happy life with someone else, you must be happy with your own life first. Your unhappiness will resurface and manifest itself in destructive ways in a relationship if you get in one before you’re happy alone. You cannot fix internal problems with external solutions.

The thing is that people expect that a relationship will fix everything wrong in their lives. Big mistake, it does not work that way. The key to happiness is feeling comfortable in your own skin. A strong sense of self-esteem lies at this foundation. The biggest mistake people make is allowing someone else to determine their level of self-satisfaction. Why are you giving your partner this much power over your own life? You need to take control of your sh*t first and foremost.

“Life throws things at you that you won't expect.  It strives to break you down and leave you in rubble, and there's nothing a partner -- even a great one -- can do about it."

Too many people are emotionally dissatisfied with their lives and try to fill this emotional void with someone through a relationship. This could not be a worse approach. You need to be happy alone and then find someone else to be happy with.

You need to find yourself and solve any past issues before beginning a life with another person. Someone who is unhappy alone will only bring this negativity into a relationship.

This will eventually corrode the entire partnership, leaving this person more miserable than before. People do not realize that if you have a problem within yourself, that problem does not dissipate the second you enter into a relationship; it will only fester. You run the risk of subconsciously associating this once personal problem with your partner, which will only yield devastating results.

Quit waiting for someone to come along and make your life worth living; you make your life worth living. Embrace the amazing friendships and opportunities single life allows for. This is not a punishment, but rather a gift. You have no obligations and no one to be accountable to. Go out and do all the things you always wished you could do because you have no one tying you down or making you feel guilty.

"Relationships are just the icing on the cake"

When you are happy you radiate positive energy. People catch on to this and will be drawn to you. This is how a healthy relationship will thrive. As the saying goes, the best things come to you when you aren’t looking. No one is going to be attracted to a miserable, depressed person.

You have your own value and it does not need to be validated by another person. You create your own worth, not someone else. You’re the one that makes yourself happy, no one else can do this for you. Sure a relationship may add to your personal happiness, but it is you who gets you there. You have to take care of yourself first before taking care of others. Anything other than this is just a recipe for disaster for both you and your partner.

"Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside you. Most people depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it always comes from within."

You can give all you want but you can’t give something you don’t already possess. If you have yet to achieve personal fulfillment within yourself, how do you expect to help someone else accomplish his or her happiness? This may work in the short term, but in the long run you can’t teach someone a concept that you personally have no understanding of.