They've happened to you before and they're the worst.
You honestly dread running into any one of these situations because it's rude to point them out to other people, but sometimes, you can’t hold your tongue.
This is America, home of the free, but please, let's all collectively agree to stop doing these seven things so we can make society a better place:
1. When there are a thousand other treadmills... and the only other lone gym patron chooses the one right next to you.
Admit it: Your favorite treadmill at the gym is the one that’s just off to the side of the fan so you get a nice breeze without it being too windy, and it's directly between the TVs playing CNN and MTV so you can watch “Catfish,” while keeping up with what's happening in the world, too.
(That's the location of my favorite treadmill, at least.) So, I climb on my treadmill, in a vast sea of vacant treadmills, and no more than five minutes later, some sweaty old man in a muscle tee comes and gets on the treadmill, not two away from me, not even in front of me, but directly next to me.
Seriously, there are 30 other treadmills in the joint and he had to come pick the one next to me? As an added bonus, he smelled like he'd been wearing that gym shirt for the past three years.
2. When people cut in line because they have a "quick question."
Nine times out of 10, the question is never an easily answered question. It's never like, “Where's the bathroom?” or “Is it raining outside?”
The question always starts off simple, but then requires a follow-up question and a detailed explanation… and the 10 people you just cut in line are all really mad at you right now.
Like, maybe the long line is full of people who also have “quick questions” but aren't rude enough to cut in from the side and be like, “Oh, hold on, I just have a quick question because I have somewhere to be in five minutes.”
We all have somewhere to be in five minutes, and it's not still waiting in line.
3. When you're trying on clothing and there are deodorant stains.
I'm probably not alone in consciously choosing to grab clothing from the way back of the pile or rack when finding a garment to try on.
I want the shirt so far in the back that it's dusty because it means that human hands have never touched it before.
I don't want to know that 10 other girls have pulled this shirt on over their heads and then left it on the fitting room floor for someone else to fold. It’s just so gross when I'm about to try on a shirt and I can see white lines up the side.
It not only means that someone else has tried on that shirt, but gross body remnants are also all over it. This is why we have a country full of people who are obsessed with hand sanitizer.
4. When a cashier makes a mistake and charges you for it.
Do you think if I had enough money, I'd constantly be cruising through the Dunkin' Donuts drive-through for the combo medium iced coffee and toasted bagel? No, I'd probably eat real food, like an actual sandwich.
So yeah, it's kind of a big deal when you mess up my order and still charge me for it.
Like, when I splurge on an order a side of hash browns and they don't end up in the bag with my bagel, and I have to awkwardly yell through the drive-through window that I'm down an order of hash browns and you open the window back up and tell me you have to charge me full price for them, not the discounted combo rate.
Hey, I ordered them the first time! It's seriously not my fault I didn't receive them the first time, so please don't overcharge me for them. Don't make me go to Starbucks; it’s really expensive there.
5. Anyone talking on speakerphone.
Please answer this simple question to decide whether or not you should take that call on speakerphone: Is there an MTV camera crew following you around?
If you answered yes, then you are allowed to talk on speakerphone. If no, then turn off your speakerphone. No one else wants to hear both sides of your conversation as you wander through Target.
6. Anyone running or biking on the road.
I am all for sharing the road. I mean, sharing is caring, after all. But hey, runner, when you run with traffic, basically in the middle of the road, I have to slow down behind you and I really, really hate passing you.
Maybe you could move over just a smidge, so you're like actually on the sidewalk and there's no chance whatsoever that I could potentially hit you.
You are basically running in a zigzag pattern as it is, and are you aware it's like 90 degrees outside? Why are you running in the first place?
7. Getting invited to run a charity 5k.
The only thing I marathon is “Orange is the New Black.” I am all for supporting your cause, so please, take my money, but don't make me run that 5k with you.
Please, I will give you more money if you stop asking me to run.
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