Isn't it a little strange that the "selfie" turned into a phenomenon of sending your own likeness to as many other people as possible? Shouldn't they be called "youies" or "lookies?"
If you wanted to really take a selfie, you'd take a picture of your forehead, nose and mouth, email it to yourself and delete the photo immediately. That way, you'd keep the entire production in-house. As soon as you export a selfie, it becomes qualified for Internet vitriol and praise alike.
Here's a list of the six reasons we all love to hate selfies, even if we're guilty of taking them:
1. We all know this wasn't the first picture you took.
Each selfie you post should have a little hashtag in the corner with the amount of pictures you deleted to get to that photo. Personally, it usually takes me about eight to 12 clicks to settle on one good photo of myself.
I know this because every month, I empty dozens of selfies gone by the wayside into the trash. This is my process, and I'm okay with it.
But, I'm not okay with you pretending the sunlight hit you just right on the first try, or that you can smile that effortlessly on command.
2. Your face isn't super interesting.
Unless I have a huge crush on you or you just had some serious facial surgery, chances are I'm not going to come to a screeching halt when I see your imagery.
Show me a f*cking mountain range! Meme something. I never thought I'd say this, but is there any food you can take a picture of instead?
The Internet is a deep, insightful place full of Wikipedia entries and "BoJack Horseman" cartoons. We can at least restrict selfies to LinkedIn.
3. Where are your friends?
I'd probably get a good idea of the type of girl you were if I could see the type of girls you hang out with. For some of you, that could backfire. But for many, it's a great way to entice a future romantic partner.
“Research shows when people are evaluating photos of others, they are trying to access compatibility on not just a physical level, but a social level. They are trying to understand, ‘Do I have things in common with this person?’"
Next time you're flipping through photos to add to your next online profile, consider substituting the etch of yourself in solitude for an illustration of you and the homies pounding a cold one.
4. They're thirst traps.
Did Keisha just snap a full body poolside shot two days after she broke up with her man? Did Pete just tweet out a clip of himself flexing in the mirror at 24-Hour Fitness?
You may have just become a thirst trap witness.
Thirst is a form of lust, or want of members of the opposite sex. Urban Dictionary defines a thirst trap as any statement or picture used to intentionally create attention or "thirst."
Remember, this term can refer to both males and females.
5. Maybe try smiling.
Business Insider recently examined what it takes to connect with more matches online. Writer Erin Brodwin said:
"If you're standing 'energetically' in a photo, for example, meaning you're not slouching and your feet are pointed towards the camera, viewers are more likely to pick up on your outgoing personality. "Looking neat and composed (which viewers perceive as meaning you're stylish and healthy) can earn you extroversion points too.
People don't usually log online because they want to look sad, so stop looking upset in your photos! The only way to really pull this off is if you have an Aubrey Plaza situation where your indifference is actually attractive.
If you're not Aubrey Plaza, follow the steps above, take deep breaths and try to see your next selfie from another point of view.
PS: I actually like a lot of selfies. This was just a lot of fun to write.