The Hangover Is REAL: The Ways Your Body Begs You To Stop Having Fun

by Dan Scotti

The human body has a way of speaking to us.

When the body wants more food, we'll feel hungry. When we do something sh*tty, we'll feel guilty. When we see someone you're attracted to, you might start to feel some butterflies in your stomach.

See? That's my point. The body is a good communicator -- when it wants something, it'll let you know.

At the same time -- if you choose to not heed your body's warnings, you'll usually end up paying the price. And, as you grow older, this notion will only continuously prove itself to be true.

When you feel tired (even without necessarily doing much) and refuse to get some sleep, you're going to trudge through the next day like a zombie.

And if you continue to overdo the partying -- after graduating from college -- it's likely going to catch up with you just the same.

You can't expect to get hammered, on a nightly basis and function properly in society, let alone a working environment (good luck riding the subway to your office, hungover).

In response, your body will let you know when you should pump the breaks, so to speak, and take it easy with the partying.

Yeah, I know, your body can be a real killjoy as you start to grow up.

Here are all the ways your body begs you to stop having fun

By making you feel like a dried-out sponge but also too weak to get water at the sink.

Yeah, pretty much every time you’re really hungover, you feel like Spongebob when he got the “suds,” yet you can’t find it within your self to make your way over to the fridge and get a glass of water.

By making you gag whenever you smell hard alcohol.

Yeah, the only thing worse than drinking alcohol -- on a night after you had too much to drink -- is the smell of hard alcohol. It’s like Purell -- it’s like fucking Purell.

By making you gag whenever you smell the non-alcoholic drink you chased your hard alcohol with.

Yeah, remember when you had to stop chasing with lemon Snapple because -- after your first three semesters of college -- you’d gag a little bit whenever you’d take a sip of lemon Snapple, at, like, a barbecue or something.

By giving you a pounding headache to stop you from going out and dancing to more loud music.

Yeah, last night was fun, but you’ve been popping Advil like Mentos the entire day. Back in college, you could pull off back-to-back-to-back-to-back nights out with no issue. But once you hit your mid 20s -- you start to feel it.

By making you feel like sh*t whenever you pamper yourself -- from a culinary standpoint -- after getting too lit.

Yeah, getting high and taking journeys to find fire eats is always fun -- until you eat some shit you wish you hadn’t.

I don’t think I’ve ever not wanted Chipotle -- or like a f*cking doner Kebab -- after puffing a J or three. But the next day, I probably wish I hadn’t.

By losing your voice so you can’t call your friends to ask what they’re doing tonight.

No, you don’t have strep. Or tonsillitis. It’s probably just the result of too much cheap vodka and screaming at your Uber driver.

Regardless, you should probably take a couple nights off, considering you sound like Steven Tyler after chain-smoking a few packs of Newports, at the moment.

By making you nauseous so you don’t drunk eat pizza ever again.

Drunk eating is chill. I know a lot of you can’t wait to hit that Seamless order after returning home from a night out, especially when you can’t find a way to get laid.

But sometimes you get too drunk -- and that ruins the fun, especially when you wake up with a full pie of Dominos on your floor, and you realize (in your sobriety) that Dominos is narstie.

By making you throw up so you won’t want to throw down.

Vomit is like the bodily equivalent of the “yellow card” in soccer. It’s meant to serve as a caution. Sometimes, you’ll heed the caution, slow down and feel better afterward.

Having said that, if you try to keep partying with reckless abandon, you’ll probably end up blacked out somewhere.

Yes, the blackout is, in fact, the bodily equivalent of the “red card.” And you’ll probably be suspended from any action next time, too.

By making you pass out after smoking too much before a night out.

A lot of people get too haughty, chiefing up before a night out. They’ll tell themselves, “Hey, it’s just a joint, I’ll be fine” – and the next thing they know, they’ll be waking up fully dressed to go out at 3 am due to an unexpected, weed-induced coma.

By leaving your body sore from boogying too hard the night before.

Back in the bar mitzvah days, you could shake your tail feather for hours on end -- and never wake up sore the next morning.

Now that you're older, the same surely cannot be said.

Realistically, you'll feel it in your lower back after a night out at the club just from walking up and down the bar looking for your friends all night. You don't even have to dance.