Are you wildly, irrepressibly stubborn? Are you defined by your seemingly unbreakable moral compass?
Are you loyal to a fault? Are you the rock-solid foundation of your family? Do you exist as the glue that holds your group of friends together? Are you a creature of comfort?
Were you born between the floral-adorned spring months of April 21 and May 21?
Well then you, my dear, must be a Taurus. Welcome to the f*cking club.
In my humble opinion we are, by far, the most superior and beautifully complex astrological sign in the great expanse of the zodiac.
For we are madly attuned to all things beautiful. We attain the impulse to surround ourselves with pretty things incessantly.
If we're not surrounded by physical beauty at all times, we grow direly depressed. This is why a Taurus woman will rarely thrive in the confines of a dismal, grey, miserable cubicle.
We need art, music, flowers and ambiance to inspire us.
But don't let our palate for pretty things fool you into thinking we are soft damsels in distress. We are strong forces of nature who will stop at nothing to get our way.
We are women who refuse to take “no” for an answer. Try us. I f*cking dare you.
In fact, I think a Taurus woman embodies the idea of love, itself. We are indulgent and deeply compassionate -- but when sh*t hits the fan, you will experience the volatile wrath that lurks beneath the surface of our perfectly exfoliated skin.
Our dependable, loyal nature makes us amazing friends and even better lovers.
We are a sophisticated sign, with a taste level that exceeds most. We have an eye for art, an ear for music and a palate for foods.
After all, we are sensual women. We walk through the world with a heightened sense of smell, taste, touch and vision.
We are deeply sensitive, caring, women who possess a coveted trait very rare in this dire day and age: We follow through. We won't let you down.
So you've grown close to a Taurus woman? Maybe you're finding yourself falling for her? I don't blame you. We are a romantic breed of girl, after all.
Here are a few things one should keep in mind when a Taurean woman enters his or her life:
1.We bask in seduction and are turned on by our surroundings.
Like I said, us Taurus women are hyper-sensual. We are seductive by nature, however, don't expect us to tie you up, right away.
We seduce slowly and carefully. We don't give away the goods too quickly. We are the last of the great masters of the dying art of the tease. We will torture you until you're teeming with desire and ready to pull the hairs out of your pretty little head.
We also appreciate the full spectrum when it comes to sex. Don't take us to your depressing barren room with a lone mattress and clothes scattered about the floor if you're trying to seduce us.
For we are turned on by atmosphere. Since we're so deeply connected to our senses, if you wish to properly turn us on to the fullest possible capacity -- create a sexy environment.
Music. Candles. Scents. We bask in all of it. Sex isn't just sex -- it's the stimulation of many things.
It might take effort, but it's oh so worth it.
Take my word for it. No one kisses like we do.
We might not be quick to partake in really kinky sh*t right off the bat, but if you're patient and give us time to cultivate trust, you will find we're far more wild than we let on.
Don't let our quiet sensuality, mysterious prowess and genuine softness fool you. It's in us. We just don't express our inner freak for just anyone.
2. We love conventional romance and classic beauty.
We appreciate physical beauty and have the rare ability to see intricate, gorgeous details in the things that most people overlook -- we appreciate conventional romance in a very deep, real way.
We are the kind of women who live for beautiful arrangements of flowers, candle-lit dinner dates and meaningful conversation.
We don't want these things for the purposes of appearance (In fact, we don't really give a f*ck what anyone thinks). We genuinely love beautiful, romantic gestures.
Effort actually means something to us.
3. We're hard on the outside but deeply sensitive on the inside.
The Taurus woman is surprisingly sensitive. We might not appear sensitive to the naked eye because we're seemingly closed off and protective, but we are very sensitive beings.
Not in an unabashed, irrational, crazy-girl-who-lacks-self-control sort of way -- we just look at the world through an honest lens.
We're not searching for hidden agendas, so we take your words at face value. So if you bestow mean words upon us, they will hit us hard.
4. We're stubborn because we're smart.
I think us Tauruses get an unfairly negative reputation for our inherent stubbornness. We're very strong in our opinions because we're smart as f*ck.
We're information junkies who are able to utilize our brainpower, analyze data and form fully realized opinions. You call it stubborn; I call it smart.
We aren't going to let you win an argument if we disagree. Save that for the passive and brainless basic bitches.
We do, however, have a little bit of rage that resides deeply within us. It very rarely comes to the surface. But if you dare to push our buttons too hard and often, the bull will break free from her cage, and you will experience a true rage.
But it's a beautiful rage. Sometimes it feels good to let it all out.
5. We have expensive taste because we appreciate quality.
We can't help it. We are the tastemakers of the world. We are the type of women who are magnetically drawn to beautifully made designer clothing, black truffles and $200 Tom Ford Fragrances.
Some might look at this as a flaw, but I look at it as our greatest trait. For we inherently understand you get what you f*cking pay for.
There are no cheap shortcuts in fashion or in life. If you invest in something, you will have it forever.