Green With Envy: 6 Types Of Jealousy That Are Damaging Your Own Well-Being
Jealousy is one of our basic human instincts. Anthropologists have said it is wired into us as a safety mechanism, and is commonly seen in the animal world.
It is this animalistic ruthlessness that can turn us into irrational, vicious creatures. If we can’t learn to tame this, it can ultimately kill our confidence, relationships and happiness.
The Relationship Killer
We know that, physically, we cannot own our significant other, but emotionally, we want to. Jealousy causes the death of many relationships by creating problems and rivalries that usually don’t exist. If you have no legitimate reason to be wary of a relationship between your significant other and a friend or coworker, you are doing more harm than good by creating envious accusations.
The more you try to bash your competition, the more threatened and insecure you appear. Confidence is sexy. If you are confident in yourself and your relationship, you’re already winning.
On the contrary, when people’s insecurities do stem from legitimate suspicion, it remains that jealousy cannot fix the matter. If you have done all you can to save your relationship, it is not your fault; it is out of your hands.
Cheating partners who do not want to take responsibility for their actions tend to blame their jealous partners for making them feel suffocated. If you don’t let jealousy get the best of you, even if it's justified, you will come out of the relationship as the more mature party, and with no regrets.
Being jealous of celebrities is a complete waste of energy. What makes celebrities famous is generally a trait that makes them one of a kind. Whether it's his or her surplus of money, talent, looks or all three, there is a reason why many famous people turn to drugs, alcohol and reckless lifestyles.
They have the misconception that being the topic of conversation or owning the most shoes will magically bring happiness to their lives. What they don’t realize is that if you can’t be happy with where you are, you never will be happy with any given circumstance.
You should never feel bad about not looking like a celebrity because you also don’t have a personal chef, fitness trainer, hair stylist and wardrobe assistant. Striving for such perfection will always result in disappointment. It is understandable to admire the lifestyle, but don’t let it consume you.
Slaughtering Your Body Image
When jealousy mixes with personal body image, it can result in disastrous self-hatred.
Although it is arguable that using others as fitness motivation can be beneficial, it is also as important to realize everyone has different body types and it is easier for some to achieve their body goals than it is for others. This goes the same for things we cannot naturally change like our facial features and unique quirks.
The only way to control this envy is to simply be happy and comfortable in your own skin. When searching for a workout buddy or a picture that will push you to hit the gym, find someone with a similar height and build as you to create a more realistic goal.
The same goes for anything else you may not like about your look. Let’s say you are insecure about your small chest and are indefinitely jealous of Kate Upton and all of your voluptuous friends. Instead of wishing every night for your cup size to double, search for women you find beautiful who are also small chested, and figure out what they wear to accentuate their best attributes.
The worst part about this type of jealousy is that it has the potential to tear families apart. Sibling jealousy stems back from our childhoods when we would fight for our parents’ attention.
Unfortunately, some people never fully grow out of these resentments. The reason this type of jealousy is so common in siblings is we constantly feel like we are being compared to each other and strive to define ourselves as individuals. If you are the jealous sibling, you are digging yourself your own hole. Not only with your family, but also inside yourself.
Every holiday and every family gathering, you are guaranteeing yourself a spoiled time in which you are consumed with bitterness and hatred. Why waste your energy creating an unnecessary elephant in the room when it is much easier to embrace your siblings’ accomplishments? If you are nice, they may even share the wealth.
If you have a jealous sibling, all you can do is be humble. There is no use fueling the fire by bragging; it brings you right down to the same childish level. Your siblings are the closest thing you have in this world and they are not going anywhere. The best thing you can do is kill them with kindness and reassure them of their own successes.
Especially in your 20s, everyone feels the need to talk about their jobs, work perks and promotions. It is hard not to compare yourself to others when everyone is striving for his or her dream job, but we can’t all go at the same pace.
There will always be someone younger and more successful than you, but all you need to be concerned about is perseverance. It is not a race and it should not get you down if someone gets his or her lucky break before you. This jealousy will come back to bite you if you burn the wrong bridge.
If your coworker or friend receives a great opportunity, consider it another good connection, no matter what field it's in. You never know when you could use a helping hand.
Social Media Suicide
If you stay scrolling through your newsfeed long enough, you are undoubtedly going to feel like you don’t travel enough, go out to eat enough or have enough new clothes.
Most prominently on Facebook, people use social media to “officially announce” all of the good things in their life and usually try to keep their dirty laundry offline. It’s a show and tell and you can’t possibly expect yourself to keep up with all of your cyber buddies.
The best way to suppress a constant feeling of FOMO is to free yourself from the constant pressures to upload every cool thing you do. Limit your online time because the really cool thing to do is enjoy a moment without letting a phone get in the way of it.