Let's face it, the woes and throes of having a boyfriend can be absolutely tragic to one's health and happiness.
So many woes. So many throes.
But when you think about it, what soothes the pains of heartache better than a soft pillow, warm blanket and a magical night of sleep?
Sorry to everyone else, but sleep's place in my heart holds the throne before anything (or anyone) else.
When we think of our love for good ole' pillow-time, our minds go to a soft, gentle place: one filled with sweet lullabies of soothing harps and fine linen brushing up against our cheeks.
And when we think of some of our former partners, we remember the night-fueled fights that made sleeping next to another person unbearable.
But it's kind of hard to have a legitimate argument with a mattress and equally difficult to mess up a scrambled egg the morning after you spend quality time with your sheets.
That's why I propose that we all start proposing to our pillows.
There are just so many reasons why sleep is so many times better than having a boyfriend.
PS: I thought of most of these in my sleep.
You can’t fight with a pillow, but you can sleep peacefully.
Your bed only wants you to go to sleep happy at night, and cradles you throughout your entire sleep. What a beautiful marriage between human and inanimate object.
There’s no boring stories repeated 500 times, just new dreams and imaginations.
You can rest assured any time you're asleep, there will always be a new imaginative adventure taking place.
It’s kind of hard to mess up a good meal when you’re eating in bed.
There's nothing like breakfast in bed. And lunch. And dinner. And a family size bag of chips while binge watching TV. Sorry, not sorry.
Your bed can never be late, and is always down to cuddle.
It's not like you're ever going to be stuck waiting for your bed to come home from yet another drunken night with the boys, and there's no need to ask it to spoon you at night -- it's already wrapped you in its caressing embrace.
Breaking up with sleep and getting back together is actually pretty healthy for you.
Unlike relationships with actual people, it's much easier to pick yourself up and leave from your bed and completely forget about it while you labor on through the work day. Then, upon your reunion, you and bed act as if nothing happened and harmoniously fall right back in love all over again.
You'd think this silly game you and bed play all the time would get tiring.
But no, only you do. And that's just fine.
Your friends aren't going to hate on your love for your bed, and sleep is totally cool with having people over.
It's basically a win-win for you and your friends. The closest people in your life will notice you're absolutely glowing since you ditched your boyfriend for blankets, and there's none of that shared living drama over having friends stay the night.
Indulging in anything is always better with bed.
Every time you decide to turn one glass of wine into a bottle and a half of red, your partner will likely judge you or tell you you've a serious problem. However, when it comes to bed, it's a judgment-free zone.
You can be 100 percent yourself while sleeping and always feel comfortable.
There's no need to worry about what you look like while asleep, because your bed will always find you beautiful. If you don't feel like showering after a long day, no need to fret: your bed doesn't have a petty nose like your boyfriend, so there's no way you're going to hear someone scoffing at your BO.
Nobody knows you better than your bed.
Your every inch and curve is mapped out perfectly by the folds and lifts of your mattress. Sleeping is a total zen-zone and you can be in your most vulnerable state while asleep.
R-E-M is so much better than S-E-X.
A good romp in the sheets may be fun once in a while, but there's nothing like a solid night's sleep. Seriously, I remember some of my greatest naps more vividly then sexual experiences.
Your dreams inspire your life.
Unlike relying on anyone else to encourage you to dream and challenge yourself, sleep provides the perfect experience to become one with your thoughts and ideas.
You can focus and hone in on what creativity you wish to explore, and constantly wake up with new, fresh ideas for life.
At the end of the day, your dreams are not better than your reality -- they just add to it.