Everyone makes the “Real World” out to be so scary, but if you’ve made it through several rounds of pledging, all-nighters and tricky social landscapes, you are more than well-prepared to enter it.
But that’s not the real reason you’re so afraid to graduate. If it was merely about being able to survive outside of a college campus, well then people have obviously underestimated your impressive livelihood abroad.
No, you’re scared of change. Of not waking up to all your friends and recaps and crushed beer cans. Of not having the consistency of grades to keep you on track. Of what will happen when your boyfriend accepts his new job.
It’s okay. Millions of people just like you have had those same fears (conveniently listed below) and look how well we’re doing! We have paying jobs that now warrant taking “Intro to Witchcraft 101”! You’ll be just fine.
Here are the REAL reasons why you don’t want to graduate:
1. Built-in dating pool
In college, you can go out to any fairly non-sketchy bar and the chances that you’ll leave with someone smart and/or disease-free are typically in your favor.
In the real world, you first need to make sure they aren’t Dexter before even taking a sip of the drink he buys you. We know you’re scared of uttering the sentence, “There are no good single guys here.”
Goodbye meeting charming randos at your open-house St. Patty’s Day Party and welcome to your new dating pool: Trader Joe’s and The Office Building Elevator.
2. Parents bankroll your lifestyle
You know what I never understood? The more physical freedom we have from our parents, the more financial backing they give us. Once you rejoin them in the nest, not only do they cut you off for good, but you also have to face them every day. It’s the ultimate punishment.
Quick, use their card to stock up on toilet paper and water now because you aren’t going to want to spend your own money on it when you move out.
3. Drinking, drinking, binge drinking and drinking
You can drink every night of the week and no one thinks you’re an alcoholic. Wait, you can AFFORD to drink every night of the week?
4. Bestie Separation Anxiety
In college, if you don’t already live with your friends, you’re at least spending 87 percent of your day with them.
Post-graduation, it’s incredibly difficult to remain close with your immediate friends, let alone your entire pledge class. Getting ready on a Friday night is going to become exponentially more difficult now that you’re down three closets and three extra opinions.
5. Learning is fun, too
It feels really good to be super smart and intellectually stimulated all the time. Earning a high mark is a rewarding part of your education. In life, you don’t have grades to measure your levels of success.
You have to rely on your own self-motivation to propel you forward. Plus, you get to be your own boss.
6. Student discounts
Enjoy all your college campus has to offer now because there’s no way you’re finding a $5 gourmet, organic sandwich anywhere else.
Life as a student is way cheaper than life as an adult, so we suggest hanging on to that plastic ID card and pretending you’re 18 for as long as possible. And if you liked your cafeteria food, consider that preparation for what you’ll be able to afford in the real world.
7. Hitting on 18-year-olds without feeling creepy
Somehow it just doesn’t translate when they offer up their Twin XL dorm bed…
8. Summer vacations, spring break
As if you didn’t already have a plethora of free time, you even have three months worth of pre-planned free time. But really, you’d choose college over your summer vacation any day.
9. The Bubble
You don’t want to break up with your boyfriend. You don’t want to have to hear about actual tragic world news, when your world used to be student-led and simple.
You don’t want to follow other sports teams. You don’t want people who didn’t go to your school even around you because they just don’t get it.
10. Ultimate freedom
The only real responsibility you’ve had for four years was to graduate and not get arrested. However you did that was your own call.
You could eat cookies for breakfast, wear a seasonally inappropriate outfit to class and then funnel beers on your front lawn and that would be considered a productive day. When can you ever be this fun and young and naive and silly again?
Photo credit: Neighbors