No one ever plans to be faced with a decision of having to follow his or her lover to a different place or have a long-distance relationship. The decision to uproot yourself and follow love can be a difficult one.
There are a lot of things to consider in a move like this, and it isn't for the faint of heart. Here are five questions you should ask yourself before moving for love:
1. Are you really moving for love?
Sometimes we feel stoic in our lives when every day has become mundane. Perhaps the staleness of life seems like it could be broken with a change of environment. Suddenly, considering an opportunity to break the monotony coupled with getting laid regularly seems like a no-brainer.
It can also be easier to make big moves with someone. But, this is in no way a reason to move with your love interest. If you really need to go, it's best to find a way to do what you need for yourself on your own terms.
2. Do you know the message you're sending?
Moving to be with someone means you are taking things from a cruising speed to full throttle. If you live separately, it's likely you will be expecting to cohabit with each other after such a huge life change. After all, where else would you stay? You moved for this person's love.
If you have not come to a mutual agreement on the current level of the relationship or the future desire for a deeper commitment, you may want to stay home. By moving in together, you are sending the message that you expect a future with this person. If you don't, you may want to reread number one.
3. Is this person really worth it?
If you are dating and willing to leave your established life, you have to know that your partner is committed to the relationship. Leaving your friends and job can put you in a vulnerable place. Suddenly, you are living in your partner's town and home. All you may have is your lover for almost everything you might need in life.
You might know for a fact that your suitcases will be sitting unpacked for a month. That's because your partner can't make room in the closet until his or her cousin can come get a few things and have a yard sale. If your SO can't help make room for your shoes, it's unlikely he or she will support you through all the other transitions of being in a new place as an adult.
4. Do you have more than love?
Love is great, but love wont keep you together. You will need assurance that you both have more than just love to change your lives. We have all loved someone who broke our hearts or vice versa, even though there was love.
If you are moving in with a lover, he or she needs to be the person whom you have a multi-dimensional connection with. Love is a pretty simple emotion.
5. Will you be OK if it falls apart and you are in this new place?
If you move, you need to be able to replace all the things you gave up when you moved for love. Nothing guarantees that your relationship is destined to be a "happily ever after" tale of love. It's possible you could end up moving out and then having to move on.
If you went to a great city, you may not mind. But, if your closest neighbor is a donkey on a dirt road, you might have more regrets than just a broken heart.