59 Things All Men Need To Understand And Get Over About Periods

by Gigi Engle
20th Century Fox Television

It honestly baffles me how little men actually know about periods.

Whether it's by choice or because periods are somehow “taboo,” I'll never know.

It's time to get your heads out of your asses, gentlemen, and learn a few things about our lady cycles because all of the dumb sh*t you say and think makes you sound f*cking stupid.

Yes, we can bleed for five days without dying. That doesn't mean you can't trust a woman; it means you should be f*cking impressed with us.

A period is nothing to be ashamed of. Personally, I'm proud of my period. It makes me a strong, healthy woman, and it reminds me how incredibly strong and powerful I am.

Men, get yourselves informed. It's time to stop seeing a period as some inconvenience in YOUR life and realize it's a natural bodily function every woman goes through FOR NEARLY HER ENTIRE LIFE, and she does it with GRACE.

Here are 59 things all men need to understand about periods because all of us ladies are f*cking over the ignorance:

1. A period lasts anywhere from two to seven days.

2. In most cases, it will last five to seven days.

3. Yes, we do actually crave chocolate when we have it.

4. We can bleed for five days without dying. What can you do?

5. This is what cramps are like: Imagine there is a tiny, evil gremlin inside of the lowest reaches of your stomach viciously trying to claw its way out of your bowels, tearing away at your insides in an attempt to free itself. Yes, they f*cking hurt.

6. A pregnancy test can detect a pregnancy SIX days BEFORE our missed period if we are pregnant by detecting the presence of a pregnancy hormone, so shut the f*ck up about it.

7. The hormone is called human chorionic gonadotropin.

8. If we get pregnant, you are obligated to pay for an abortion if we want one.

9. Sometimes we convince ourselves we're pregnant when we aren't, so stop freaking out because it only freaks us out more.

10. When you say things like, “Are you on your period?” because we're annoyed with you, the words “f*ck boy” come to mind. So, stop doing that.

11. PMS is real, and it does make us a little insane.

12. PMS stands for Premenstrual Syndrome

13. On average, we will use 11,000 tampons in our lives.

14. Birth control pills need to be taken at the same time every single day, but there is a three-hour window.

15. How birth control pills work: They use hormones to convince our body it is pregnant so that we cannot become pregnant.

16. This is how we get our periods on birth control pills: We take a pill every day for three weeks.

17. Then we stop taking it for five days.

18. Our body stops thinking it's pregnant, and therefore, we get our periods.

19. It's okay to have sex during the time we stop taking our birth control pills to get our periods (but it's a little safer to pull out).

20. Birth control pills are still working for the week we aren't taking them.

21. An intrauterine device (IUD): It chills up in your uterus for three to five years.

22. It lines the uterine wall to stop pregnancy.

23. There's a copper one, which kills semen and a hormonal one, which localizes hormones in your uterus.

24. Period sex is messy, but it really isn't that big of a deal.

25. Period blood isn't just blood; we are literally shedding the walls of our uterus.

26. It's called shedding the endometrium.

27. Having our periods is a legitimate excuse for any and all things.

28. A period does not attract bears.

29. Or sharks.

30. We'll have our periods for most of our lives, so get the f*ck over tampons.

31. Tampons come in four sizes: light, regular, super and super-plus.

32. Different sizes are for different levels of heaviness.

33. Do not be mad about our natural bodily functions.

34. We didn't purposely have it during that trip to Aruba.

35. We will make excuses when we have it to avoid doing sh*t we don't want to do.

36. There is no shame in buying tampons for us.

37. Tampons cost as much as a Chipotle burrito.

38. Having our periods does not mean it's blowjob week.

39. The calendar is literally based on our periods. And you think you run the world?

40. Give us a f*cking break; our uterus is literally shedding.

41. A period is great natural lube.

42. Be gentle with the boobs. They are tender.

43. We CAN get pregnant when we have our periods.

44. Yes, we do get very bloated.

45. Yes, we do feel like complete sh*t and everything hurts.

46. Walt Disney made a movie about periods called “The Story Of Menstruation.”

47. It will leak, and we will stain the bed occasionally.

48. On average, a girl gets her first period when she's 12.

49. When we say, “It's almost over,” it probably isn't.

50. We get even hornier on our periods.

51. Having sex with us while we're menstruating can actually help relieve our cramps.

52. Drinking makes it 10 times worse. It f*cks with our hormones. We forget to change our tampons, and it makes it heavier.

53. No matter how much we hate another girl, we will give her a f*cking tampon. It is girl code.

54. We can give birth to YOUR children thanks to the period. So, you're welcome.

55. Only unhealthy women don't get their periods. Be grateful we're healthy.

56. You can still get us off with a tampon in. You just can't insert anything in us.

57. A woman will spend an average of 3,500 days of her life menstruating.

58. An entire menstrual cycle releases only one cup of blood.