Everything You Want To Say To The Friend You Disappointed And Lost
I know I have disappointed you. But believe it or not, it was never my intention to make you feel that way. In the first place, why would I do that? Why would I hurt you? Friends don't hurt each other; they get hurt in the process because they care for each other.
I don't want to think highly of myself, but for you to feel that hurt only means that you care. And for me to be bothered this way also shows that I do care for you.
But I just want you to know, whether I do or don't do things that are beyond your expectations, or whether you get hurt or not in the process, I always care for you, just like how I care for my other friends. And it will never change no matter what happen.
Again, it was not my intention to disappoint you. But I know I cannot hide the truth that I was partly (or fully) at fault for making you feel that way.
I have given you something to be disappointed about. I have made you believe, or even promised you, that I can be the person you expected me to be. Through my actions or words, I have made you believe I can be that certain person. Perhaps during that time, I thought I can be that person too. But things change and people change. And you know that very well.
Believe it or not, I am sincerely apologetic for making you feel that way. I apologize for giving you reasons to believe that I can be a certain someone. I am deeply sorry for that. But I cannot say the same about me changing. I can't be sorry for the changes that have happened to me. Because if I do, I'll be saying sorry for being me. Whatever changes that have taken place in my life for the past days or months, are now part of who I am right now. And taking away those changes means taking away who I am.
Even though I was the cause of your disappointments, there is little I can do about that. It is your personal, intimate feelings that I cannot control. If only I could replace it with something wonderful so you won't feel hurt, I would do that. But having that feeling is part of who you are, and I don't want to change who you are -- good or bad -- because that is how I met and knew you.
What I learned from your disappointment in me is that I learned you care. You care about me, even though your actions show otherwise. And I'm deeply happy to know that you feel that way. Because the “care” that you feel, is not the same “care” you feel for a stranger. It is the care you feel for a friend. Thank you. Thank you for the care. Thank you for teaching me this important lesson.
We didn't have enough time to know each other to full capacity. We've just known each other for less than a year. But I don't usually judge people or relationships based on the length of time they've been together. Because if you care and like to be with that someone, you'll make each day memorable. In that short period of time, we had our good days and bad days, and that's how we learn about each other. And I appreciated every second of it.
I feel bad for leaving because I know, knowing you, everything will not go back to the way it was. But I had hoped that things will be the same, somehow. But who am I fooling? I was the one who told you people change. But even though it's like that, the times and memories I had with you, will never change because they are already a part of me and who I am.
One of the things I really admire about you is your conviction and determination to be the best and for being the best. All my life, I have learned how to be satisfied for what I have. But with you, you pushed me to dream big again and to reach for more.
I can still remember our verbal promise about being the best in our respective fields. I'm doing my best to fulfill that, and I know, you too, have long been started in making your dreams come true.
I miss our long serious talks, our senseless chit chats and coffee dates. I miss it so much and would like that to happen again, but I have to accept the fact that things are not the same. I respect your decision not to see me anymore; I'll understand that. But I just want you to know, should you ever want to see me, just text me.