When it comes to life's big questions, what is a better source of sound advice than an iPhone and a good WiFi connection?
But since social media has become an unavoidable reality, I recently decided to experiment.
Putting aside the archaic process of consulting my mother, therapist and/or shih tzus for guidance amid my daily woes, I opted instead to try something more representative of the times.
Instead, I opted for Instagram.
As I scrolled through my feed for a number of days, I was met with a myriad of commentary, ranging in topics from dating and drinking to work and society.
While some sought to provide wisdom to their followers, others used snarky witticism to simply state the obvious.
In the end, I was left with one thing: a refreshingly palpable dose of perspective, created with equal parts inspiration and sad, pun-dripped truth.
Here are just a few of my favorites:
1. On Being Your Best Self
Say it with me now: They’re = They are
Please, everyone repeat.
You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.
Seriously, though. Just do you.
The ego is not your amigo.
This statement should probably have been finished off with, “and neither is the gym.”
Authenticity is hellasexy.
So is a puppy, but you take what you can get.
Dance like no one is watching. Cause everyone's on their phones... so literally no one is watching.
Hence why I am writing an article based wholly on being on my phone.
You have the same amount of hours in the day as Beyoncé.
Now that I think about it, that’s actually just depressing.
If you don't hate yourself Sunday morning, then you didn't do Saturday night correctly.
Self-hate goes best with Netflix, anyway.
2. On Overcoming Adversity
Drink some coffee. Put on some gangsta rap and handle it.
I have yet to find a problem Biggie and a cup of joe can't solve (except, of course, world hunger, our current political climate and terrorism. Those are all definitely still problems.)
The world does not benefit from you hiding your bad ass-ery.
Bad ass-ery is a rarity. Own that sh*t.
You live, you learn, you upgrade.
*Insert sassy emoji caption here.*
3. On Love And Relationships
Get yourself a fella with 10 or less likes on his photos. They be loyal.
This is Millennial dating 101, my friends.
If you have to force it, leave it. Relationships. Friendships. Yoga Poses. Perfect Pony Tails. Let that shit go.
Expectation versus reality is a bitter pill to swallow.
Always be yourself (aside from the first few months of a relationship, interviewing for a job or any type of social interaction).
So basically, never be yourself. (It kind of conflicts with the whole “authenticity is sexy” thing. I’m confused.)
Fall in love with someone who treats you like Kanye treats Kanye.
Because true love does exist.
4. On Life
The first eighteen years of your life are a free trial, and after that, it's pay to play.
Nothing saves money like being antisocial.
Ramen noodle works pretty well too.
So it turns out that being an adult is really just googling how to do stuff.
Well, it is comforting to know I’m not alone in this.
Answering your cell when you don't recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
We all know how that ends in every horror movie.
The best cure for a hangover is being under the age of 25.
I mean, this life is a vortex made up mostly of happy hours, weekend-long naps and Advil.
Drunk people, children and leggings always tell the truth.
The good, the bad and the "Dear lord, don’t wear those."
Some days you eat salads and go to the gym. Some days you eat 20 tacos and drink margaritas. It’s called balance.
At the end of the day, it’s all about balance, kids.