As a fifth generation Californian and authority figure on all things West Coast, take it from me: There are "Cali" bros and there are real Californians -- the major difference being that no one actually says "Cali" with a straight face around here.
Here are the 17 ways you know you're the real deal.
You know Mexican food isn't just a cuisine, it's a religion.
Los Angeles is home to the best tacos, and San Francisco reigns supreme when it comes to burritos.
You can find a taco trunk on just about any major intersection, any time of day or night. The sketchier looking, the better. Not to put Chipotle down, but they can go f*ck off somewhere.
You have a second home -- aka, your car.
You've not only experienced major life events in your car, but it's also become like another family member to you.
A family member you occasionally barf on and litter with empty Takis bags.
You don't discriminate.
Whether you were born in SoCal or NorCal, you know they're equally amazing in their own, unique ways. Leave the rivalries to the player haters.
You know there's more to California than just the beach.
Joshua Tree? Muir Woods? The Klamath? Yeah, the beach is kinda whatever.
You've driven up PCH at least once.
You likely put in a good six hours to see the best parts of the coast, from San Luis Obispo to San Francisco, and found it was totally worth going the long route.
But taking the regular old freeway on the way back was no question.
You've seen a real, live marijuana plant.
And it was probably growing in your hippie uncle's backyard.
You know In-N-Out's secret menu like the back of your hand.
You can't remember the last time you actually looked at the menu. Are Neapolitan shakes still secret?
You want to claw your eyes out every time someone says "Frisco."
It's San Francisco, SF and occasionally San Fran -- that's it.
Sixty degrees is cold.
Because it really is.
You have a vegan friend.
You eat all the foods, personally, but you know at least one person who won't even touch honey. They're always suggesting Cafe Gratitude for brunch and you're like, "no."
Avocado toast isn't a trendy, hipster invention.
You've put avocados in unlikely places -- like cupcakes.
Because they were two for a dollar and you bought way too many and a person can only survive on guac for so long, you know?
You also have a sixth sense for knowing when an avocado is perfectly ripe.
You also know the window for perfect avocado ripeness is very, very brief. We're talking like one good day.
Just admit you have a whole Pinterest page dedicated to avocados.
You remember the days when you could park right in front of Disneyland's gates.
There was room to walk around back then too.
You also likely had a Disneyland Annual Pass at some point.
Why not stop by on a Tuesday afternoon for one ride and clam chowder in a bread bowl from the Jambalaya place?
You probably never got around to learning how to surf or skate.
But the option's there when you feel like it.
Sit 'n Sleep commercials haunted your dreams.
You couldn't watch a Disney Channel original movie without having to hear "Or your mattress is freeeeee!" at least once. You're literally killing me, Larry.