The Friend Zone: Defining The Mythical Place That Exists Only In Our Minds

by Jul Jessup

Gentlemen, is it really so horrible to be just friends with a lady?

I’ve heard a lot of complaining about this place called the “Friend Zone.” It’s a land of desperation and tragedy, where men are forced to be friends with women.

I decided to go forth and try to locate this Friend Zone; a place I imagined was full of pizzas, NBA 2K13, Wiffle Ball and half-empty beers.

But, on my journey to find the mythical Friend Zone, I was shocked and saddened to discover that it is not, in fact, a real place — not even a tangible idea. It is merely a social phenomenon that exists solely within the minds of rejected dudes who are pissed that someone with whom they want to have sex does not share the same desire.

These sexual rejects are hurt and offended that a woman could possibly enjoy their company without wanting to jump their bones. How could that be possible?

These dudes must somehow trudge valiantly onward, faced with the task of hanging out with a chick without the hopes of earning any physical reward at the end — a task some find too horrible to endure. Despite what its name may imply, the Friend Zone is a sad and lonely place.

My research on the Friend Zone led me to wonder, what could be so horrible about being friends with a woman? Could it be that fangs lay just beyond her luscious lips, or that all women are part of a secret, worldwide conspiracy group that’s hell-bent on denying nice guys sex until the end of time?

Turns out that no, there are no fangs or conspiracy groups; none of that is accurate.

While all of my research about the Friend Zone turned out to be inconclusive, it just doesn’t seem that the Friend Zone could be so bad. My research generated the following list of possible reasons men hate this zone so much:

-Women smell great, which makes men feel insecure about their own stenches

-Women are good-looking, which makes men feel insecure about their own looks

-Women are sometimes better at things than men, which makes men feel insecure

-Women make men feel insecure

-Men are insecure

However, in order to be officially friend-zoned, a guy must first categorize himself as such. Remember, dudes, the Friend Zone only exists in your heads! Here are some reasons a fella might think he’s been zoned:

-You are so perfect for her and she only dates jerks.

-What is wrong with her?

-You've been hanging out with her for months but she won’t kiss you.

-What is wrong with her?

-You’ve consoled her when her other relationships have gone poorly, but she won’t pursue one with you.

-What is wrong with her?

-She doesn't know what is good for her.

-What is wrong with her?

On the contrary, here are some possible reasons a girl might want to be just friends with a perfectly nice guy:

-You smell bad and suffer from generally poor hygiene.

-She thinks you are butt ugly. (You aren’t! Everyone is beautiful in his or her own way!)

-You are an assh*le who thinks that maintaining a friendship with a woman entitles you to a sexual relationship with her.

-You are friendly.

-She likes to hang out with you.

-She does not desire a romantic or sexual relationship with you.

-You are friends.

So, that is the Friend Zone demystified — it’s pretty straightforward. Remember, guys, if your lady friend does not want to be more than your friend, she is still your friend -- period. Congrats on your friend!

If you feel like it, you can pay for her at the movies, but don’t expect her to give you anything afterward.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It