Do you know someone who just got married?
As exciting as this may be, the season of joyful bliss can wind up getting cut short if excited friends and family say the wrong thing.
There are three things you should never say to or ask someone who just got married. Are you guilty of saying any of them?
1. "So, when are you gonna have kids?"
This is probably among the most frequent questions newlyweds hear. It also happens to be the most annoying and unflattering way to express your joy for the newlyweds.
Think about it: They JUST GOT MARRIED. As in, they are still feeling that “honeymoon high,” if you will. Kids? Running around all day? Burping, Sneezing, Crying? Who’s thinking about that?
These days, newlyweds are excited to develop their marriages by doing other things, like traveling peacefully, watching Netflix, or doing whatever the heck they want. Kids aren't on the radar quite yet.
Asking people when they plan to procreate isn't polite anyway.
I get that family, friends and coworkers get excited to see their favorite couples get married, so now they're anxiously awaiting a bundle of joy.
But, it’s still not a good question to ask — here’s why: You are never sure about what their current physical, financial or emotional standpoint is when it comes to conception.
How do you know they haven’t been trying already? What if there was a health complication that kept the couple from conceiving? This question can get really awkward, really quickly. What exactly is the right thing to say in response to this?
“Oh, yes, babies! Please excuse me while I go hop in the sack with my husband and get right on that!”
Here’s what you can do instead: If you’re interested in seeing a family grow, the best time to bring up this topic is when they bring it up themselves.
Be patient and give them time to build their family foundation before they begin to build a family home.
And, if you absolutely must be involved in someone’s private family life (and their life-changing family choices) then feel free to turn on the TV and try to keep it up with Kardashians.
2. "The 'honeymoon phase' is not going to last. Enjoy it while you can."
Seriously? The honeymoon phase won't last? Perhaps it didn’t for you, but it’s not very nice to speak that way about someone else’s marriage.
For all you honeymooners out there, listen up: Your honeymoon phase will last for as long as you intend it to last! You and your spouse are the ones deciding to keep things spicy, how to keep things spicy and how long that flame will burn.
The minute you begin to feed into other couples' misfortune, the sooner you will be receptive to doubt (“My spouse doesn’t make me happy the way he or she did in the beginning”), fear (“What if I can’t make my spouse happy anymore?”) and unrealistic expectations (“My spouse better keep me happy like this forever”) that could jeopardize your marriage in the long run.
So, don't allow this kind of stuff to set in — ever. Do not listen to what anyone else has to say when it comes to you and your marriage.
This is your marriage. Your marriage is completely different from everyone else’s marriage.
Here’s what you can do instead: Encourage your friends and family by speaking life into their marriages. Wish them well and hope for lasting love between them. Encourage them to stay in love for as long as they live.
These are the kinds of “well said” words you should offer to your friends who just got married!
Remember, this is a wonderful time in their lives. Don’t mess it up with your negative remarks. It’s rude and very inconsiderate. If they ask, give them advice and tips on how to keep things spicy and romantic so they never run out of ideas!
Help them in their unions instead of predicting more failed attempts.
3. "Oh! It looks like you gained a few pounds since you got married!"
Never, ever joke about anyone’s weight. This applies to both men and women. It's a sensitive subject.
Yes, it’s true: Many couples tend to gain weight after they get married. They are no longer stressed about wedding plans; they are enjoying more home-cooked meals, and they enjoy staying in together (which can lead to decreased activity). It happens.
But, just because it happens doesn’t give you the right to point it out.
Your negative remarks could plant negative seeds in their minds that could grow into insecurity, shame or even self-disgust. Those things, believe it or not, can lead to major problems in the marriage!
They might not feel attractive enough with their spouses; they might feel insecure in their marriage beds. They might feel as though they have let their spouses down because they are not living up to some “expectation” in which they now place value.
Remember, your body may have changed, as well — do you want someone else to bring it up?
Just because the couple may have gained some weight does not make them any less beautiful. It doesn't dull the glow of the happiness they've felt from the moment they stepped foot on that alter.
Here’s what you can do instead: Never bring up weight unless it is to edify or encourage your newlywed couple.
Rather than bring up the negative, bring up the positive -- a joyful attitude, an uplifting behavior, the awesome new memories they are creating with their spouse.
Newlyweds, pay attention to these red flag questions and statements so you can easily shift pass them, smile politely and not allow others' comments to affect your new marriage.
Know that your friends and family do mean well, even if they do not know how to express it. Above all else, do not let someone else’s beliefs, attitude, behavior or negative viewpoints affect you and your loving, lasting marriage!
Friends and family: I hope this helps you see just how awkward some of your post-wedding remarks can be.
If your questions or comments are not encouraging and loving toward the couple and their future together, keep your mouth closed.