Realizations to have on partying after transitioning to the real world

Okay, okay, I’ll admit it: I went out... like, a lot... while immersed in the college party scene. Often when I picked my classes, I aimed for a four-day weekend, and it wasn’t so I could catch up on homework.

Building up my alcohol tolerance was a sport. Every single day there was a themed party to go to, and Sunday Funday was every day. Wait, did I mention I grew up in Miami? Yeah, that probably would have made more sense.

Here’s the thing: As someone who grew up in a culture that was all about getting bottles, weekends on yachts and partying on South Beach, of course I had withdrawals when I entered the real world.

But for that same someone who just graduated and started working, let me tell you, my stamina and my liver are no longer the same, and the party life isn’t as glamorous as one might think. Fine, LIV is kind of awesome and so is Mansion, but my bed is pretty amazing, too.

Can I get an amen? Here are the top reasons why I ain’t about that life (anymore):

I’d like to keep my pride… and my balance.

The whole idea of going out with the sole purpose of hooking up with someone is a little ridiculous, and also extremely degrading. From a third-party outsider, it’s actually desperate.

I don’t like to pretend I’m using any less of my brain than I have to and I don’t like to flirt my way into getting a drink. Going to such lengths for a free anything is too much for me. Even making googly eyes at the bouncer with those huge, intimidating biceps didn’t always work.

The next step? Become a regular and get to know the bouncers really well in the hopes that they’ll be receptive to your short dress and 10-inch heels.

There’s always a chance, but when you really look at it, it’s a sexist business transaction. Whoever heard of flirting your way to the top as a motivational mantra? If you have, I suggest you check out some wholesome Gandhi magnets or Socrates bumper stickers.

I don't like us better when we're wasted

I was never the person who drank more than I could handle. I tried to keep it classy, so for me, going out was more of a social engagement than a plan to get #shwaysted.

I always liked the feeling between sober and “happy.” Even when I was sober, I was known as the hyper and happy one, so people often thought I was drunk, but in reality, I was witnessing the best reality TV show around.

I watched people who didn’t know their boundaries, threw up uncontrollably, drunkenly slurred, cat called, groped others or fell down drunk. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not a babysitter; yet, I was always expected to take care of everyone.

I don’t have all that much free time now, so if I’m going do something on a Saturday, I’d rather sit at home, talk to no one and watch "Mad Men" until I fall asleep in my own bed, in my pajamas with just myself.

Oh my, how heavenly.

Petty thefts

While so many people want to have a good time, dance, laugh, eat, pray, love, whatever, there a few groups of people you should try to look out for; although, you’ll probably never catch them.

No, I’m not talking about the skeevy guy staring at you at the bar; I’m talking about that scumbag staring at your purse. I don’t know how they do it, but they do. They’ll steal your wallet by pretending to be poor on the street; they’ll take your phone from your back pocket or even your purse and turn it off so you can't find it.

Before you know it, you’ve been gypped and the police can’t help you. You need to have a witness of the theft. “But my bag is open and my phone is gone!” you'll say.

Nope. They can’t help you because they think you’re a stupid drunk college kid and they don’t want to deal with you. It’s a fun little system we have where nothing gets done and you have to cough up $600 for another phone.

In an age where our lives are on our phones, is your night out really worth it? I’ll tell you this much: My belongings have never been stolen while watching "Sex and the City" reruns; have yours?

I’ve realized that in the two months I’ve been out of school, my perception of how I live my life and how I spend my time are very important. I’ve also realized that I’m not a big fan of dealing with grown-up responsibilities with a migraine while wearing sunglasses indoors.

It may be selfish to only think of myself and what’s best for me, but you know what? When you’re out of school, have a job and are constantly working or applying to jobs, the best thing you can do to unwind is to, well, unwind.

Yes, I’ve found myself listening to the radio, going to the bathroom more than usual and wearing clothes from Ann Taylor. So, either I’ve skipped 10 years of my life and become a 30-something, OR graduating from college forced me to grow up in the way I needed to.

College is an amazing experience and I learned so much about myself. I discovered that I’m a visual learner, that I needed confidence to own my career and that I’m a terrible cook.

To progress in my own life, certain things needed to be cut out and I needed to grow up, despite the typical Peter Pan syndrome. Fortunately for me, partying because “I’m in Miami b*tch” wasn’t a good enough excuse to keep doing it.

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