No Kids For Me: How I Know I'm Not Ready To Be A Parent

by Jamison Vann

My wife and I flat-out refuse to have kids (for the time being). We are a 20-something couple who has been married for just under two years, but we don't want to bear any offspring just yet.

Even though we both agree on this, you would not believe how many people continue to ask us, "When are you two going to have children?"

I have quite a few problems with this question.

First of all, I view this as a slight invasion of our privacy. I fail to comprehend why complete strangers feel it is socially acceptable to ask someone when he or she plans to procreate.

Would it be okay for me to go up to someone who has five children and ask, "Hey, when are you going to stop having kids?" Of course not. That would be rude, right?

What if we've been trying to have kids and can't? Or, what if we had a child who died? If you don't know the circumstances behind the decision, then it's better to just not ask.

Here's the real deal, though: We don't want kids because we know we aren't ready. Don't get me wrong; we would both make great — dare I say, amazing — parents, but it comes with a lifestyle we just aren't quite ready to adopt yet.

Do away with the pitchforks and axes!

We both love children, but for the time being, we like them a whole hell of lot better when they have parents to whom we can return them.

Nowadays, people look at you weirdly if you've been married for more than six months and still don't have a bun in the oven.

I don't understand this; it's not like we need to populate our home so we can have extra hands to take care of a farm or something.

It used to be common practice to immediately start having kids and then raise them to help out around the house.

It also used to be a common practice to stone women for having children out of wedlock, but you don't see people asking why we don't still do that, do you?

I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see families, or even single parents who have an abundance of children they can't properly care for.

If you know you can't even provide a healthy lifestyle for the kids you already have, why on earth would you continue to have more?

I guess most people don't think of it that way, but that's how I see it. We are doing our future children a favor by waiting until we can give them the great lives they deserve.

I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry we don't want kids yet. We'll have them one of these days, but for now, we're just enjoying our time learning to live with each other before we throw a little one into the mix.

Plus, it gives us extra time and money to spend on experiences that will enhance our current lives.

So, when the time does come to have children, we'll actually have some valuable advice (and even a few material things) to pass along.

There are enough children living with "just enough."

We're content on waiting until we can give them more than they could ever dream of.

What are your views? Can you see where we're coming from, or do you think we're being irrational?

Citations: Why I Refuse To Have Kids (Derrell Jamison)