The Ultimate Breakdown Of Every Hot Jesus In Pop Culture

by Eitan Levine
Icon Productions


Jesus was super fuckable. That's an undeniable fact the Pope probably outwardly doesn't want you to know but subconsciously totally wants you to know.

Who do you think OK'd all of those hot, sexy statues of Jesus that are thrown around the Vatican? I'll give you one hint: It's the guy with the DOPE friggin' Christ beanie who drives around in Tupperware.

Hollywood has tried their best to tell the story of Jesus in the most truthful way possible. That often involves lavish sets, an authentic feeling script and, most importantly, a FOYN Jesus getting all hung n' stuff on a cross for our viewing pleasure.


We broke down which Lord of Lords has us going "Lord, ohhhhhh, Lord!" the loudest.

1. Ewan McGregor as Jesus in "Last Days In The Desert"

This is a more modern Jesus but still a Jesus that makes us thank the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

2. Christian Bale as Jesus in "Mary, Mother Of Jesus"

It happened a while ago and nobody really talks about it nowadays, but Christian played THE FERK out of Jesus at one point.

3. Diogo Morgado as Jesus "Son Of God"

Forgive me Father, for LITEARLLY ALL OF US, OMG ARE YOU LOOOKING AT THIS MAN!?!? have sinned.

4. Jim Caviezel as Jesus in "The Passion Of The Christ"

The most famous of Jesuses. Jim's "POTC" Jesus was as FOYN as it was controversial.

5. Willem Dafoe as Jesus in "The Last Temptation Of Christ"

I'm gonna throw this Jesus in here because I have been told there is a group of people who think Willem is a hottie. I don't get it, as he is one of the most terrifying humans in existence, but who am I to judge. There is only one true judge.

6. Haaz Sleiman as Jesus in "Killing Jesus"

I've never heard of this guy but he's sort of the boy band-ish Jesus that the other Jesuses were missing.

7. Jeffrey Hunter as Jesus in "King Of Kings"

This is a little bit of a TBT THOT JESUS. This was the Jesus your parents were probably drooling over when they were your age.

8. Ted Neely as Jesus in "Jesus Christ Super Star"

The most classic of Jesuses and the only one to come with his own theme song.

Happy Easter!