Decaf, Black Or Loaded With Sugar: What Your Coffee Says About You


Everyone has his or her morning caffeine rituals.

Whether you're waking up early enough before work to break out the French press or you're bee-lining it to Starbucks to get your venti blonde, you make an exemplary effort each day to satisfy your morning coffee craving.

You've persuaded your body and mind that without coffee running rampant through your system, you will not and cannot get any work done, let alone muster the strength to put pants on before you start your day.

But, why complain? Coffee is an incredible beverage that can be admired on various levels, from the way it tastes to how strong it is to how you take it. It's totally worth the extra 15 minutes in the morning, but we all know that.

What we may not know — or have yet to realize — is that how you take your coffee says a lot about the kind of person you are.

Although no scientific experiments (of which I am aware) have studied the personalities of coffee drinkers compared to their caffeine choices, the relationship between the two can be spotted in any cafe you choose to sit down and people watch in.

The next time you hang out in a corner of your favorite coffee joint, sipping espresso and charging your phone, take a look around and notice the connection between the on-the-go hustler and his large cup of black coffee or the creative woman, alone at a table, Instagramming her latte art.

The connection exists; I'm sure of it.

Here's more information about the uncanny relationships I've noticed between coffee and its drinker:

1. Black Coffee

If you start your morning with a cup of black coffee, you're probably seeking the maximum amount of caffeine you can get without the sugar and unwanted calories.

You don't care too much about the strong taste or how appealing it looks. You need the coffee for what it is: coffee.

You're simple to please and you're on a mission to get sh*t done. You're an avid health enthusiast who values a good roast. You don't mess around, and we commend you for that.

2. Espresso

If you're sipping a double shot of espresso, you're probably seeking the most caffeine for the cheapest buck or you have high hopes that downing a shot will wake you up faster than a normal cup o' joe will.

But, maybe I'm wrong and you're sipping espresso because you think it tastes good. If that's the case, sip away.

Either way, you're probably run-down and you tend to over-exhaust yourself through too much work and not enough downtime.

You value the golden moment you can spend every morning before work with your petite espresso mug and then you quickly move on with your day.

You're fast paced, but still attempt to value the simple things in life. You don't focus too much on the glitz and glamour that surrounds you, and you are easily lifted up with every small victory you have.

I mean, every small cup of espresso you drink throughout the day counts as a small victory, right?

3. Flavored Lattes

If you've got a love for the lattes, you're someone who enjoys the indulgent flavors and doesn't give a flying f*ck about the amount of sugar and cream involved.

You're more so in it for the taste and not so much the caffeine buzz. Seasonal cappuccinos are a must in your book, and getting extra whipped cream is never a question.

You probably also have a collection of latte art and take pride in the way your drink looks.

Although you may be trying to conform to the coffee world every morning when you stop at Dunkin' Donuts for a pick-me-up, the lattes just "get" you, and the sweet taste of sugar wakes you up more than a double shot of espresso will.

That being said, you're an enthusiastic individual who embraces every single sweet detail in life you can. You like to experiment with different food and drinks and you are never comfortable being tied down to limited options.

You're the "free-spirited" coffee consumer of the bunch who has a creative eye for the fast-paced world in which we live.

You might be a little bit more tired than the espresso or the black coffee drinker, but hey, you're content.

4. Good Ol' Milk And Sugar

You can't go wrong with a house blend, some milk and a bag of sugar when you're trying to wake up in the morning.

Next to black coffee, this is the quickest option for anyone on the run who has a set preference of how he or she takes a pick-me-up.

It's a simple yet individualized drink that offers all of caffeine's traits, which you need in order to get your day going.

If you take your coffee like this, you're probably a levelheaded individual who likes to have control of your life, similar to the way you like to have control with what goes into your brews.

You're focused, determined and ready to start your morning off on the stable grounds and standards you set.

5. Decaf

Decaf: the O'Doul's of the coffee world.

Why would someone drink coffee that doesn't see out coffee's main purpose?

To be honest, I never cracked this code before. Yet, I've concluded that if you do, you either can't drink the normal stuff due to health reasons or you just love the taste of coffee and need to drink it at every moment of the day without the unquestionable side effects of caffeine.

You're constantly moving and seek comfort in warm cups o' joe. You indulge in the regular blend every morning and throughout your work day, and you settle for a decaf after dinner or before bed.

"Coffee" is your comfort zone and you've formed a habit that involves drinking it whenever you please. You love the taste, the environment and the company that it brings, even after you've reached your caffeine limit.

You're a habit-builder who is set in your ways, and you stick to the game plan you've created. You figure out how to get around undesirable situations and you rarely make drastic or spontaneous moves.

You play it safe until you feel it's the right moment to jump outside the box, and we're cool with that. Just drink the decaf until you're ready to become caffeine addicts with the rest of us.

Just as the way you dress creates an image of the kind of person you are, and the types of music you listen to helps to reveal your interests and emotions, the way you take your caffeine reveals a side of you to the public that you may not even realize.

Regardless of whether I'm right or wrong, drink up. Coffee is coffee, no matter who you are or what you stand for.