They’re vile, manipulative, pretentious and shameless. Social climbers are the boils on the butt of modern civilization.
They claim credit and notoriety without making any real efforts or exhibiting any real skills in life.
How can you tell for sure if you are in the company of real, bona fide social climbers, you ask? Here’s how:
They drip with designer labels from head to toe.
Look for anyone wearing a monogrammed Louis Vuitton purse, Cartier watch, Christian Louboutin pumps and Chanel sunglasses. Notice that the labels are conspicuously flaunted, so even a partially blind stranger could see them.
Not to mention, this is just the outfit used for going to Walmart to pick up shampoo.
Look really close, though, as not all social climbers can afford full-body branding. Does that say, "Berburry?"
They always post luxurious adventures on social media.
They tweet “afternoon tea at the Fairmont" or "T-minus 15 days to Gstaad!" Their Instagrams are filled with photos of shopping sprees and conquests.
Your news feed is bleeding with their whereabouts (not that you really even care where they hang out). They’ll do anything (and do it loudly) to make sure you know the cool, exclusive, elitist things they’re doing.
They namedrop like a pigeon with diarrhea.
Every conversation is an opportunity for namedropping. If you pass by one of them and casually say "hello," you might get an answer along the lines of "Or ‘ciao,’ as Valentino would say.
I ran into him when I was in Europe a few months ago.” You can do nothing but accept the gross levels of pretension.
They're fair-weather friends — only there when you're on top.
They only take notice of you when you have enough cash to buy a round of drinks or have succeeded in making a name for yourself via your hard work and talent.
They refer to themselves as "socialites" or "celebrities."
No one else in his or her right mind would actually acknowledge these people, as social climbers don't have any real achievements to their name.
So, they have no choice other than to resort to self-marketing.
They trash-talk other "climbers."
If these people have any real skill, it’s the ability to identify others of their own kind. Once they accomplish this, they stop at nothing to put down the others. "Oh, Chelsea? Yeah, I know her.
She slept with half of the men in her building." Why say this? Well, social climbing is tedious work; there's not enough room up top once you get there.
They try to convince you of how awesome and inspirational they are.
They’ll tell you stories, like the time one was called to help out at the local soup kitchen and happily obliged (despite it really being mandatory community service for a DUI).
Or, the time another gave her Starbucks venti to a homeless man out of the goodness of her heart (when actually, she just got the wrong order). They will try to convince you that they are nice people, so if you find out their true intentions, you'd think twice about bursting their bubbles.
They stay vague about personal info.
Try asking one what she does for a living and prepare for an unspecific answer like, "Oh, I do event management in the city." Social climbers skillfully avoid revealing the truth, which might be the afternoon shift at Hooters.
They'd never invite you over to their houses, as they happen to live in slightly unglamorous locales. "Sorry, I'm getting my apartment redecorated so it's a huge mess right now." Right.
The last thing they want to happen is for people to discover that they’re not who they claim to be.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It