Do not make the mistake of underestimating Valentine's Day. Although it’s usually loaded with stale rituals and clichéd traditions, it actually has some serious, rock star potential. So — whether you’re single or attached, in love or in hate — this year, make Russel Stover your bitch for a change.
Challenge your ideas of love, lust, indulgence and ecstasy. Tap into your repressed urges — do something wild and free. Make it epic. Make it unforgettable. Rock your own world. Here’s how you can do it:
1. French Someone You’d Normally Never French
What’s better than Frenching? Nothing, so try out this wonderful activity with a whole new flavor of tongue. Instead of zeroing in on your typical skinny bad boy, grab hold of the goofy lumberjack who just gave you his last dollar for the jukebox. You have nothing to lose — go wild.
2. Get Some Seriously Stunning Lingerie
Today is not the day to wrap your beautiful bum and magical jugs in cheap cotton and synthetic lace. No Sir-ee. You march yourself on over to the best boutique in town and throw down for some underthings that make you feel like a million bucks. And if you don’t have a sweetie for whom to wear the new sexy goods, share the wealth and flash during your night out on the town.
3. Indulge In Your Appetite For Destruction
If you really want to have a rock-and-roll night, you must trash something. Find some old photos of you and your lame ex or coffee mugs that evoke mediocre memories or clothing that makes you feel less-than-hot. Down a couple shots of cheap vodka then smash the smashables and shred the shredables, then burn the rest to smithereens. All the while, blast Metallica, Led Zeppelin or Guns N’ Roses to truly do the art of destruction justice.
4. Play Hooky And Bake The Best Cake Ever
You can’t count on much in this life — lovers, friends and family come and go. But you know what will always lift your spirits? Cake. Instead of denying your passion for triple chocolate bliss or strawberry whipped cream cake, make it central to your Valentines celebrations. Call in sick to work, find the finest ingredients and set forth to bake the best cake in the history of the world. Then, invite us over.
5. Have A Threesome
Have you and your partner been toying with the idea of turning your duo into a trio? Well, today’s your day! Make some inquiries — Craigslist, OkCupid, etc. — then try out some fresh meat between the sheets. Or perhaps, you are the wandering potential third? Put out an innocent little ad and get ready the V-Day of your life. Don’t be shy… what’s the worst that could happen?
6. Confess Your Long Lost Love
Most of us are such chicken-sh*ts. We feel longing and passion for someone, yet we never open our traps to tell him or her. This V-Day is your opportunity to acknowledge those feelings and make the ultimate confession. Call the person and let them know you once loved them wildly, truly and unconditionally.
7. Make Someone Else’s Mom Take Care Of You
You know who runs the best B&Bs? Moms who have adult children — they’re so maternal, and can’t stop baking muffins and making beds. God bless them. This Valentine’s Day, swap out romance for some good old-fashioned motherly love. Escape to the country and sleep deeply, eat lots of carbs, complain about how hard you work, then pay your bill and get back to your sexy real life at the end of the weekend.
8. Be The Ultimate Flower Child
Wandering the streets and handing out roses is obviously an awesome way to spend Valentine’s Day. And, you obviously get to wear your most dreamy and eccentric outfit. Once you are draped in your vintage velvet caftan with a belt of crochet pouches, head to the local florist for your bundle of pink roses, then spend the evening making everyone you encounter your Valentine. So what if your sanity is called into question? One love.