Stoner Thoughts: 42 Things Only 'High You' Realizes

by Dan Scotti

Regardless of when you first tried pot – whether that was in high school, in the stall of one of the bathrooms, or in college to the soundtrack of some Wiz Khalifa – there's a good chance, from that point on, your life changed forever.

That's the nature of pot, at least from what I've heard: It changes you. Welcome to the wacky world of mind-altering substances. And for the most part, after a few puffs, you'll enjoy your stay.

I mean, a little weed can make super high-strung people as "chill" as the Fonz with a syringe full of horse tranquilizer in his upper cheek.

It can make television docudramas, on Lifetime Movie Network, popcorn-worthy. It can even give sh*tty basketball players the impression that they're good at basketball.

At the same time, it's important to remember that everyone's experience with marijuana is unique. Sometimes you'll hit the bong and feel worry free. Other times, you might exhale, and feel paranoid about everyone in the room watching (and whispering about) you. Each high is different.

All the same, you're bound to come to realizations about yourself and the world – regardless of your high's individual essence. And while these realizations might be weird, even disturbing, perchance – they're important.

Very important, man, even if they don't necessarily make any sense. Use the plot from "The Big Lebowski," for instance. That sh*t was super confusing, but it was also vital.

Your high epiphanies are no different, except, ultimately, they might not be so "vital." In the spirit of 4:20, here are 42 realizations you'll only stumble upon while high.

1. You know, man, money isn’t everything.

2. But, in all fairness, you spend a lot of f*cking money on weed.

3. You suddenly realize, for some strange reason, that Bill Murray is one of your favorite actors.

4. Believe it or not, aluminum can’t get microwaved.

5. You’ll finish all your work assignments tomorrow…

6. First thing.


8. Shia LaBeouf is just misunderstood.

9. You can’t believe people invented bridges, man. Woaaaah, far out.

10. Willy Wonka is f*cking terrifying.

11. You momentarily forgot how to read an analog clock…

12. ...Like, you confused the big hand with the little hand.

13. Listening to Taylor Swift makes you feel guilty about being high.

14. You woke up to find out that you are the eyes of the world.

15. You’re incapable of sending/receiving texts -- and also can't find your phone...

16. But you’re better at FIFA in this state. Much more composed. Fewer slide tackles.

17. You’re hungry.

18. Kramer from "Seinfeld" was definitely a stoner, man.

19. You really like cheese.

20. ...Melted cheese.

21. Everything is better melted.


23. Watching "Requiem for a Dream" prevents any sleep later that night.

24. You thought betting on the “Blazers” would be a lock because of, like, universal energy, despite the fact that Lamarcus Aldridge and Lillard were both out.

25. Cartoons have once again became the highlight of your life.

26. Phish sounds good in this state.

27. You can put peanut butter on anything, and it’ll taste bomb.

28. You “get” modern art.

29. You can’t believe someone invented the fork.

30. Thinking about mayonnaise makes you want to vomit…

31. ...But you suddenly need to make a turkey sandwich with ample, ample, amounts of mayo...

32. ...Then you realize you forgot to eat it...

33. ...It still tastes good hours later.

34. Juwanna Man had it all figured out.

35. The f*cking moon….YO!

36. Come to think of it, all of outer space, man.

37. You unearth the depths of your own culinary skills.

38. You discovered you’re a freestyle rapper.

39. You realized you do not have a f*cking care in the world... yet life is also very stressful.

40. You swear you can feel the earth rotating.

41. You, George Orwell and the Beatles would've all been homies.

42. You could hundo percent run Amanda Bynes' social media account.