18 Low-Key Things Every Guy Is Guilty Of Gossiping About With His Boys
Gender stereotypes may try to assume that gossiping is exclusive to the ladies, but c’mon we know that ain’t true.
Anyone who’s spent some quality time around a fraternity, or any group of guy friends for that matter, can attest to the fact that guys indeed gossip, too.
In fact, Daily Mail proved in a recent survey that men are MORE likely to gossip than women are. This got me to thinking. Do I gossip that much? Well, after some quiet reflection – yeah, sort of. About what, though?
Well, everything and anything realistically. Just in case you want some examples, I’ve attached the 18 things that we guys low-key gossip about.
1. Leaked nude photos (or any type of nude photos for that matter)
No comment. It's wrong to look. But it's weird not to look.
2. Gym habits
Guys gossip about certain aspects of someone else's gym routine and other unimportant sh*t like that. For example, our boy who hasn’t done a squat in weeks.
We can’t tell if he’s been skipping leg day or just abandoning ship. So we gossip.
3. The friend who can't budget time with his girlfriend
He’s whipped harder than the ass of a Clydesdale. We swear to God if he misses another “football Sunday” to go pick apples, pumpkins or anything else for that matter –we're disowning him from “the crew.”
4. The one who got beat by the girl in the fantasy league
OMG David lost to Elizabeth in fantasy this week? If there’s only one girl in our fantasy league, she will quickly become the target.
Having said that, whoever loses to her will become the new target on a week-to-week basis.
5. How they spent $2 for extra guac and the dude at Chipotle still skimped them
You know exactly what I’m talking about. You probably nudged your friend and said something along the lines of, “What the f*ck?
It’s not coming out of his pocket, is it?” I mean, it probably isn’t. But then again, maybe it is.
6. How someone in the crew is a terrible driver
You know you don’t want to drive this weekend, but at the same time, you know you don’t want Mark to drive either.
It would probably be a safer trip if your other homie was the designated driver, even after freshly tapping the keg.
7. About each others' "célfie faces"
We want to tell our friend that the “duck face” he makes in his Snapchat stories is unflattering and sort of gross, but we know it would break his heart (considering he makes that face upwards of 20 times a day) if we did. So how do we handle it?
Obviously make a group chat without adding him so we all can vent (and share some of his best renditions).
8. A hottie in the office
It’s difficult to forecast this quarter’s gross revenue when your coworker's after-work plans become more of a fascination than your business plan.
9. Their friend's girlfriend, in general
Whether she’s hot, whether she’s overprotective, whether she’s controlling, there’s really no wrong thing to gossip about your homie's girl.
Especially when she’s occupying the time you used to spend together ripping FIFA and watching "Curb Your Enthusiasm."
10. How cheap someone is
Let me paint the scene: You’re sitting out to dinner with all your friends and it’s time to assess the damage done by the bill. You’re a group of six, so one of your friends suggests splitting the bill six different ways. Seems fair, huh?
Obviously, there’s one kid who’s opposed because he didn’t order a soda like the rest of the table, and opted for tap water instead. Yeah, that kid. We don't really like him.
11. Who’s lying about their sex life...
Guys lie about their sex lives so often in college, I wouldn’t be surprised if Chris Hansen and the rest of the "Dateline" crew showed up to my fraternity house one day while I was still at school.
Clearly, it is the job of you and your boys to discuss who’s keeping it a stack, and who’s lying about macking that dime from the bar last weekend.
12. ...And how promiscuous certain people are
Oh you slept with her? So did he. And him, too. Yeah, I did as well, for that matter.
13. How sh*tty other frats are
If you want to watch a dude turn super catty real f*cking quick, just bring up the rival fraternity at his college.
Guys can talk sh*t about other fraternities for days on end, so I hope you have your listening hat on.
14. What their boys are wearing
It’s terrible, but yeah, guys gossip about what other dudes are wearing with great frequency.
From cheap jeans, to fake Air Jordans, to mixing multiple patterns – you’d be surprised how well-versed we dudes are regarding matters of fashion and bitchiness.
15. How sh*tty dudes are at basketball…
He’s such a ball hog. He can’t dribble. He takes the worst shots. He doesn’t pass. He shoots like JR Smith.
16. ...And NBA2k
If we can gossip about our aptitude at real basketball, it shouldn’t be surprising that we do the same for virtual hoops, too.
17. Someone's taste in music
Guys will be the first to condemn one another for our affinity for Drake, yet whenever any hiccups arise with our significant others – Take Care is the first album to pop up on our Spotifys.
18. How unfunny their homie is
You know the kid who hasn’t made you laugh in, like, years?
C’mon, the one who will take a joke that’s been funny for months and instantly make it about as humorous as a eulogy? Yeah, that guy. We gossip about him.
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