If life were like the wild, name droppers would be the worst type of predators out there.
Whether you’re a giraffe with an extra long neck, or the lion with the highest grossing kill score, they will prey on you, exploit you and use your weaknesses, connections and killing averages for their livelihoods.
They are like piranhas that slowly suck the life out of you and feed on your scraps. They are the hyenas lurking in the corners, waiting for your leftovers and exploring your weak points for the stronger carnivores. They are the name droppers… Waiting to collect you, name you then throw you out.
They are ruthless, sketchy and, above all, impervious to social graces. However, like the most dangerous animals of the jungle, they have façades that are easy to fall victim to and even easier to believe. They are suave, polite and, many times, endearing upon first meeting.
However, if you’ve met one, you’ve met them all, and hopefully you’ve learned to see through the façades to who they truly are: the worst people in the world.
Like animals who take pleasure in their kills, they are slimy, vindictive and shallow. They collect people the way an animal collects carcasses. They have no morals, backbone or endearing qualities. They don’t care about you, me or their consciences. All they care about is the kill and where their next one will come from.
In a society in which personal interaction is lost on social apps, name droppers are the antitheses of everything good left in the world.
They are all about exposing those moments of personal interaction for superficial gain. They use face-to-face time to boast and brag, reveling in their accomplishments and waiting for your approval.
They are dangerous and annoying, a lethal combination that will make you want to kill yourself before they have time to stick a knife in your back. So for anyone who's been hunted, exposed or chased by the name droppers, here are all the reasons they really are the worst people in the world:
They care more about their Twitter followers than their family members
It’s all about the numbers with them. They would kill their own family members if it led to a controversial photo on Instagram that would garner a larger following.
Their façades are as flimsy as their business cards
They are never as nice as they seem, and their personality is about as shiny and deep as the gold leaf lettering on their coveted business cards. Their words are as hollow and shallow as their souls.
They defy the phrase, “quality over quantity”
You’ll never be any more than a number to them. You’re a bank account, Twitter follower, Instagram liker or Park Avenue address to them.
Their opinions are trending topics
Name droppers never have their own opinions, only those of the masses. They state what they’ve heard, read or observed, never how they feel. They, themselves, are human retweets, who buy and sell opinions and arguments like they were on the trading floor.
They never party, just network
They aren’t there to have a good time, but to make as many connections as possible. They don’t get off on good music and liquor, but how many business cards they’ve collected by the end of the night.
Their reputations precede their personalities
Who they are is who they know, and who they know is based on who they are. They are personality machines who base their worth on their reputations.
Small talk is like foreplay, they always skip it
They don’t care who you are, where you’re from or what you love to do. They want to know who you know, what you do and how you can help them.
They will always get straight to the point, making sure they don’t waste any time talking to someone who is of no help to them.
They are the Instagram of people… all filters
It’s all Hudson, Mayfair and Inkwell with them. They love the black and white and opaque covers to hide their unimpressive original selves.
Name dropping is never a team sport, it’s all about individual stats
They don’t want to play with you, they just want to use you. You are just another trade, another stat and another dollar to be made.
You are the player and they are the owners, making trades and sells you have no say in.
No matter who they work for, they are their own number 1
"Loyalty" is a foreign word to name droppers. They are faithful to themselves and the game only. They will burn bridges as fast as they cross them and drop you in the water on the way across.