He IS That Into Them: Confessions Of A Guy Who Watches Sh*tty Rom-Coms
I’m pretty sure I watched my first romantic comedy from start to finish while I was still together with my first girlfriend.
I can recall the night perfectly: We were lying in bed. It was during the winter of 2011, which I’m certain of because on that evening, I was eagerly anticipating the Knicks game, being that they had just pulled off a massive trade to bring Carmelo Anthony to the Garden (and discarded our future, in the process).
The entire night, I had been looking forward to watching Melo’s debut as a Knick, so, as I’m sure you could imagine, when my ex-girlfriend decided to put on “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” I reckoned she was about to accomplish that feat in all of 10 minutes.
But, as any dude with a girlfriend would’ve probably done, especially while lying in bed with her, I complied and decided to endure this romantic comedy that she promised “I would love.”
I think the Knicks went on to lose anyway, so I didn’t really mind tracking the score from my phone.
Anyway, the movie started off slow. I have to admit I didn’t understand a lot of the “girl jokes,” at first.
They were talking about makeup and diamonds, and I felt like the one, lonely onion ring that somehow made its way into the cup of french fries: utterly out of place.
And then, Matthew McConaughey popped his big head up, and suddenly, I started to grow more comfortable. See, this is their way of throwing the boyfriends who are watching these chick flicks a bone, so to speak.
They usually inject a popular “Man’s Man” type of character into the cast so that the male audience won’t feel so out of place while watching.
It’s kind of like how it used to be back in elementary school, on the first day of class, when you’d walk into homeroom and see your best friend chilling in the desk closest to the door -- and suddenly you didn’t feel so alone. And on that night, my best friend was Matthew McConaughey.
As the plot really started to pick up some steam, I soon realized the movie was actually incredible.
I mean, the dialogue was written pretty well, the storylines were alluring, and they even dangled the prospect of showing Kate Hudson’s breasts, more or less, up until the final credits rolled (which is another tactic used to keep the male audience interested).
I was impressed. Put it this way, I’m pretty sure my girlfriend -- already bored of the film by that point -- had made several passes at my penis, which I swiped away (for the time being) because I was that invested into watching the movie’s final resolution. So, needless to say, I was very impressed.
There was something oddly soothing about the film’s content, something relatable that kept me interested.
I guess watching the trials and tribulations of somebody else’s relationship on the screen made me feel more comfortable with whatever bullsh*t I might've been dealing with in my own.
Realistically, chick flicks are essentially the cinematic equivalents of Drake records. Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship -- or had his or her heart broken before -- could surely relate to the majority of their plots.
I’d definitely like to highlight, however, that all chick flicks are not created equally. You better do your research before telling your girl that you’re down to spend your Friday night watching a movie of her choice. Trust me, I’ve learned from experience.
See, while I usually find romantic comedies tolerable -- better yet, enjoyable -- I cannot say the same for all the chick flicks I’ve been forced to watch.
Allow me to explain. In order for me to find a chick flick truly enjoyable, it usually has to be so bad that it’s actually good, in the way that Domino’s pizza is.
For instance, “The Notebook,” arguably the most iconic chick flick ever to grace the silver screen, I wasn’t really a fan of, particularly.
Unlike romantic comedies, whenever my girlfriend would force me to watch “The Notebook” (which happened somewhat regularly), she always insisted that I pay extra attention to her favorite scenes, to the point where I almost had to bring a pen and pad out of fear of a pop quiz.
Usually, when you’re forced to watch romantic comedies with your girlfriend, you can kind of hit cruise control for the next 90 minutes while she gets her fix.
But when it comes to the more serious brand of chick flicks -- you know, ones that typically contain dudes like Jude Law -- those can become more difficult.
Regardless, if these types of movies have taught me anything about relationships, it’s that guys will do some pretty ridiculous sh*t to get the girl -- and, more importantly, keep her happy.
So if you love your woman, sitting through a movie with her shouldn’t be the end of the world.
And if you think you’ll feel like any less of a man after watching a “chick flick,” then you’re probably not as secure as you might've thought.