I’m Not a Frat Star, But I Still Want A Good Chill-To-Pull Ratio

by Candice Jalili
Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.

So said Aristotle. And I’m no great philosopher, but I think he was right.

But we all have different ideas about what will make us happy. According to Mahatma Gandhi, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in complete harmony.”

For Marcus Aurelius, “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”

And, last but not least, a wise frat lord once asserted that happiness is as simple as a 5-to-5 chill-to-pull ratio.

For those of you who don’t already know, Urban Dictionary provides us with a nice, simple definition of the chill-to-pull ratio:

The amount of chilling with your boys/pulling bitches one fratstar can achieve. Five to Five is the highest ratio.

Now, first of all, I should probably take a second to note that I am a 97-pound girl. You should also probably know that the closest thing to a frat I was ever in was a sorority, and I quit that when they tried to tell me I couldn’t party for an entire week. I am by no means a frat star.

But, if we don’t take it too literally, I see a certain kind of wisdom in the pursuit of the perfect chill-to-pull ratio. I mean isn't that all we want at the end of the day?

To strike the perfect balance between chilling with our friends and pulling hot ass? I don’t care if that hot piece of ass is your boyfriend of five years (who you hope will one day be the proud father of your children), or a rando from Tinder. Whatever makes you happy.

As long as you’re getting it on the reg and still managing to make time for you friends, I think you’re doing something right.

So here’s why, frat star or not, I think it is important for us to all strive for for 5-to-5 chill-to-pull ratios.

I want to put myself first.

At the end of the day, I’m all I’ve got. So why not f*cking treat myself? I want to have the most fantastic friendships, and I want to have the best relationships. I want to friend who I fancy and pork whom I please.

I want to enjoy a guilt-free lifestyle.

I want to friend who I fancy and pork whom I please, AND I want to do it without an ounce of guilt.

Last time I checked, there were no frat guys crying over the fact that they missed out on a night with a potential love interest to be with their boys.

So why should I feel guilty about ditching some guy to hang with my friends? By the same token, if I did want to hang out with a guy that night, I don’t want to be stressing about what my friends will think. I just want to be the person that makes me happiest in the moment.

I never want to lose sight of myself on either end.

I know who I am, and I like who I am. I want to pull guys, and I want to chill with my friends.

But I never want to be so deeply lost in the acts of either pulling or chilling that I lose myself in the process. Maintaining a healthy ratio helps me remember who I am.

I want my life to maintain a healthy balance.

Pull too much and you start to feel gross. Chill too much and you start to feel yourself slowly lose sight of your own sexuality.

As I just mentioned, I don’t want to completely lose myself in any one world. I want my life to be well balanced.

I want to strike a healthy balance between relationships and friendships and enjoy the spoils of a nice well-rounded life.

I want to be satisfied in every arena.

Life is so incredibly satisfying when your ratio is on point. I want to feel totally and completely fulfilled by both my friendships and my relationships. I want it all.

I want my friends to love me and my lovers to friend me.

If things don’t end up working out with a guy, I want him to respect me enough to maintain our friendship even after things are over.

By the same token, I want my friends to still love me and appreciate our time together even when I'm absolutely crazy about my guy.

This happens only when there’s a certain level of respect. First and foremost, this means respect for myself. Nobody will resepct me unless it is clear that I respect myself.

And how do I do that? By making time for every person holding an important place in my life—whether it be a lover or a friend.

I want to have my priorities are straight.

At the end of the day, it is the people you surround yourself with who matter the most. Your relationships are your greatest treasures in life.

I want to cultivate these relationships, and I don’t want to favor any one over another. A good chill-to-pull ratio means I am giving enough time to all of the homies who matter.

I want to have a 5-to-5 so that I can be a 10.

Having a perfect 5-to-5 ratio is f*cking hot. Why? Because confidence is f*cking hot, and it takes mad confidence to both chill and pull successfully.