Finding the balance between your friends and your significant other can be incredibly hard, especially when you are in a brand new relationship, and still in the “I want to spend every waking moment staring at you” stage.
It can be hard to find time to be with your lover and then find even more time to be with your BFFs. It is possible, however; there are just a few things you need to do in order to split your time evenly:
1. Talk to your friends.
Most likely, you've known your friends longer than your boyfriend or girlfriend. With that being said, you should be able to talk to them about absolutely anything and something like this is no exception.
Tell them you want to make sure they aren’t feeling left out, and if that ever happens, they better let you know ASAP. Sometimes you are so caught up in your new love that you don’t even notice you haven’t spent much time with your friends.
If your friends have been in a serious relationship before, or are in one currently, ask for their advice too. They love you and they will help you.
2. Talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Communication is a big factor in relationships, so make sure your partner knows exactly how you feel. Make it clear that you plan on spending equal time with everyone.
If you don’t, your boyfriend or girlfriend will be upset when you blow him or her off for a night at the club with your besties. Just like your friends, your significant other loves you. Your partner will be understanding because he or she is probably feeling the same exact way.
3. Make certain days dedicated to specific people.
I am not saying this is a must; this is just a suggestion for anyone who is having a really tough time finding balance. When I was interning last summer, my best friend and I picked one day that would be a guaranteed time for us to hang out.
I knew that regardless of how crazy my schedule got, we would see each other every single week. You can even pick multiple days for different people. This is a helpful tip if you are a crazy-organized person; it relieves the stress of trying to make plans in advance.
4. If you make a commitment, stick to it.
Whatever that may be, you better make sure you stick to your word. Trust me, when you planned a girls night but your boyfriend calls you to help him go food shopping and you ditch your friends, they will be mad. This also applies to blowing off your boyfriend or girlfriend for your friends.
Of course there are exceptions to this rule: If you plan to get drinks with a friend but find out your significant other’s grandmother suddenly died, you can obviously ditch your friend.
5. Everybody makes mistakes; you’ll be forgiven as long as you’re honest about it.
If you plan a night out with your friends on a day you already made plans with your significant other to hang out, tell the truth.
Explain the situation to the person you mistakenly ditched. Everyone has his or her own lives and everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes. Most of us are understanding and compassionate human beings by nature.
However, the key to making this right is by being honest. If you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend you can’t hang out because you are sick and then drunkenly put up pictures on Instagram from the bar, I can promise you that your partner is not going to be understanding.
Plus, the people closest to you can most likely tell when you are lying, anyway, so what’s the point of even attempting to lie when you are probably going to get caught? You will be forgiven, and there will be initial annoyance, but hey, no one’s perfect.
6. Be understanding.
While everyone around you can be understanding, it means absolutely nothing if you can’t reciprocate. What I mean is that if your friends or partner approaches you about this topic, you better listen.
Understand that you may not be giving as much time as you thought to the people you really care about. Respect the people around you when they open up to you about certain things and pay them in your respect by trying to change whatever they ask you to. That is, unless you don’t care; in that case, do whatever the hell you want.
Finding balance can be really difficult, so don’t expect to find it right away. If you are having a really hard time, hopefully some of these tips help you to find that balance you so desperately need.