The Most Bizarre Thing You'll Do After A Breakup, As Told By Your Zodiac Sign
Breakups can illicit some bizarre behavior in people. Heartbreak can make surprises out of even the most predictable people.
For instance, every breakup I've ever been through has suddenly made running my favorite activity. I hate running, unless, that is, I'm running from my feelings.
But it can get a lot weirder than that.
Here are some of the bizarre breakup behaviors you're most likely to engage in, based on your zodiac sign.
Aries- Develops A Sudden Attraction To Their Ex's Roommate
It's hard to tell whether an Aries is heartbroken or not after a relationship, but one thing is for sure: They will immediately move on to the next thing.
That's just their nature, but who they set their sights on is the more telling factor. If they're suddenly insatiably attracted to their ex's best friend, well, you can probably bet that their feelings are hurt. How can you tell? Because they're going after something (someone) near and dear to you, and it's all in an effort to cause you pain.
Taurus- Writes Song To Win Them Back. Fails.
Ugh, poor Taurus. Watching a Taurus try to deal constructively with change is like watching a penguin try to fly; it's not graceful. In fact, it's sad.
They cannot accept that their security has been threatened, and they'll go out of their way to try to win their ex back, with zero pride. They will go to creative lengths that suggest they're in full denial, like writing a song for their ex even if they can only play three chords on a guitar, cannot sing, and have been explicitly told they have no talent.
Gemini- Sends An Unforgivable Number Of Unanswered Texts
It's one thing if a Gemini has someone waiting in the wings, but if a Gemini gets broken up with suddenly and without explanation, they will have a significantly harder time.
They need someone to talk to, someone to report to on the details of their day, like when they're walking from the couch to the fridge.
They will continue to send their ex texts like this until they find someone else to send them to.
Cancer- "But Wait, I'm Pregnant!"
But wait, you're not. You aren't even a little bit pregnant.
Your period was just a day or two late and you suddenly thought to yourself that this would be the thing that brought your horrible, narcissist ex crawling back to you from his mother's couch.
Thank your lucky tits it isn't, Cancer. Your emotions have taken over. You do not want this person in your life. Now go make yourself some ice cream and cry it out.
Leo- Leaves Ex's Contact Info In Gas Station Bathrooms Across The Country
There are people who fall into a deep depression, and there are those who go straight to revenge. Leos will do both at the same time.
They will immediately channel their hurt feelings into covert acts of revenge that they'll take to the grave with them, because they're above this sort of thing -- or at least they'd like people to think so.
Virgo- Goes Out Of Way To Do Favors For Their Ex's Entire Family
Virgos go out of their way to be helpful to their exes during the relationship, both because it's in their nature to make themselves useful, and because maybe on some level if they can make themselves indispensable. When that fails, the Virgo might adopt a habit of "helpful stalking," by offering their services to members of their exes family.
When the ex shows up at their childhood home, there's Virgo, putting up shelves.
Libra- Starts Talking Non-Stop About Their Personal Growth
Libras need things to look nice. They don't want to be seen as a mess, so they start immediately telling everyone what a "great opportunity this was" for their personal growth, while sipping their green juice with a yoga mat under one arm and a copy of He's Just Not That Into You under the other.
It's great to focus on the positive Libra, but you've been wearing the same fitness clothes for six months.
Scorpio- Creates A Fake Facebook Page To Stalk Their Ex
If you haven't done this, don't lie. You at least thought to yourself, "Holy shit, that is genius."
There is nothing you heartbroken Scorpios won't do to pin your ex in a lie, or to psychologically infiltrate their minds with the intricacy of a surgeon. You need to understand just what kind of sicko would be crazy enough to rid themselves of you.
It couldn't possibly be because of your overbearing jealousy or controlling demeanor. There had to have been someone else.
Sagittarius- Buys A One-Way Ticket
Sagittarius will try to spin the breakup into something more positive, acting like they were just dying for this kind of freedom the entire time. If personal freedom was all you needed, Sagittarius, why are you leaving all of your belongings, loved ones, and career behind to go live in a tent in Morocco? These are not the actions of a sane person. You might be unwell.
Capricorn- Spreads Rumors About The Breakup Nobody Cares To Hear
Capricorns worry so much about their reputation that they feel having a relationship fail is a poor reflection on them and their ability to succeed.
This is not something they can have people thinking, so they will spread rumors in an attempt to save their ass and their face at the same time. "We had to break up because we are both such busy people with so many successful projects in the works" doesn't even sound like a real thing, Capricorn.
Aquarius- Make Very Odd Requests
Aquarians don't have much respect for tradition, so why would that change after a breakup? Still, they tend to take on a uniquely detached perspective, and often make extremely inappropriate requests after a breakup that they think make them look "over it," but actually don't at all.
For instance, asking your ex if they wanna bring their new SO to dinner at your place with you and your friend six months after your breakup sounds more like the setup for a murder mystery, Aquarius.
Pisces- Goes Into A Post-Breakup Fugue State
Pisces will literally wander the planet in a fog after having their heart broken, unsure of what they are even doing or saying. They can't even be held accountable for their actions. The feelings take over, and Pisces becomes just a vessel of unbridled emotion.
Pisces, you will beg, plead, and send naked pictures unsolicited, thinking maybe they just forgot how sexy you are. You will show up at their homes, call their moms.
They have not forgotten how sexy you are, they have not invited you to their homes, and their moms barely know you. You need to sit down.